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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi, I wrote to you before about a short, intense relationship

Resolved Question:

Hi,

I wrote to you before about a short, intense relationship I had with a guy who is a recovering alcoholic and has anankastic personality disorder. It was ended in the middle of March and I have heard nothing more from him until today, I suspect because as he said in his message he has not found anyone new yet. I do not really want to get in to any kind of contact with him again but I do worry about what he may do with a topless picture he has of me.
What should I do?
R.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello

Customer:

Hi

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this new concern.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

As frustrating as it may sound, there is not much you could do abut this picture now

Customer:

I thought that would be the case, in your opinion is it likely he could do something with it?

Customer:

Am I right not to mention it at all?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I have no idea, since you have only share about two weeks with this person, and know not much about him, but what you know is very concerning. Now, there is no way to know how respectfully XXXXX XXXXX he would handle this picture.I think the best you can do is to avoid getting into any further conflict with this person.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Which is challenging since he could continue to expect you to contact him, and that would not help, but easily enable him even more.'

Customer:

Should I reply to his message to his message at all, should I send something brief?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Nowadays with free internet, including social networking, emails, FB, Youtube, pornographic websites and more, there is no way to control people from posting whatever they want to make public, and that's why we all need to be very careful around what we share with people, specially those we do not know very well.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What did he say in his message, and what was the last thing you told him about you and your decision.relationship?

Customer:

The last thing I told him about the relationship was that I wanted it to slow down, a few days later he sent me a message accepting that it was over and asked me to send his key back.

Customer:

His message today was telling me he has not found anybody new yet and asked about my work - I am freelance and was waiting for another job when we split up

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good. Did you send his keys back?

Customer:

I accept that I made huge mistakes with him and should not have allowed him to control me so much and I was way too trusting - lesson learned!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The picture that you gave to him was printed or digital?

Customer:

Yes, I did send his keys back - his last message was thanking me for returning them and saying he would always remember me me & wishing me luck, I replied with the same.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then I suggest you not to perpetuate any further communication with him and focus on learning and healing from it. There is no way to control how a person in his shoes use that picture.

Customer:

The picture was taken by him, it is digital

Customer:

So I should not reply to the message he sent today?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, Then there is nothing else you could do about it, but focus on moving on wiser.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have already replied to his message, then I do not suggest you to keep sharing with him even more, that would not help if what you truly want is to heal and grow from it, unless you want to afford even more around this person.

Customer:

I have not yet replied to his message today, the last one I was replied to was when he thanked me for returning his key

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then what does he want with this other message? It seems as I anticipated, that he is and would continue trying to perpetuate things, and tat as long as you reciprocate it would continue.

Customer:

So should I just ignore todays message or reply that I am now working and wish him luck with his future?

Customer:

To close it off so to speak...

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you have already told him something like this before, I do not see as the wisest approach to keep replying, since you would continue enabling him even more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But if you still want to do that one more time, then please do not continue with further communication if you really want to move on.

Customer:

I would be happy not to reply at all! Would that be the wisest thing to do?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think so. Correct.

Customer:

Fine - thank you so much for your advice, again!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please take good care

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