How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask DrJackiePhD Your Own Question

DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
68163550
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
DrJackiePhD is online now

Hi my boyfriend and i had a hard few weeks..he broke up with

Resolved Question:

Hi my boyfriend and i had a hard few weeks..he broke up with me and then i bombarded him with calls and texts he has blocked me from his life..i cant deal with this
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.

DrJackiePhD :

I'm Dr. Jackie and I would like to try to help you. I'll wait online for a bit to see if you come back online.

Customer:

Hi

DrJackiePhD :

Hi there

DrJackiePhD :

I paused the timer so we can talk for longer than 10 minutes if you want.

Customer:

Can u help me

DrJackiePhD :

I am so sorry to hear what you posted

DrJackiePhD :

Do you mean he blocked your cell/email?

Customer:

Im in pieces

Customer:

He blocked my cell and facebook

DrJackiePhD :

I'm so sorry. You must care a great deal. Can you give me a little background to help me understand--you said you had a few hard weeks. Were you fighting? Can I ask about what? This is all relevant or I wouldn't ask painful questions.

Customer:

We have been going out a few months abd really happy..he started police academy and th I ngs got difficult..we broke up and I bombarded him with calls and txts

DrJackiePhD :

So he just began his schooling. My understanding is that police academy is pretty grueling. So I'm sure the stress did not help your relationship. So he broke up with you because he couldn't deal with the stress? And then you were so upset about the breaking up that you called and texted a lot over a period of time--like a week? How much until he blocked you? I'm trying to fill in the rest of the time line.

Customer:

I only txt and called over weekend..he blocked me on monday

DrJackiePhD :

Wow--

DrJackiePhD :

when you say bombarded--was it more than 10?

Customer:

Yes loads

DrJackiePhD :

Oh, and he didn't pick up/answer the texts?

Customer:

He told me to leave him alone but I didnt

DrJackiePhD :

OK. I think he probably sees your behavior over the weekend as obsessive. And most people, men and women, don't like that. And so instead of trying to take time to talk through it, it's easier to ignore it. I'm not saying this is good. Actually, avoidance rarely solves anything.

DrJackiePhD :

But can you understand his avoidance? Men more than women will do this and really dig into work (or school) and focus on that.

DrJackiePhD :

I think he definitely wants space. He has said it verbally and by "cutting you off," he has said it through his actions.

Customer:

Im just hurting and need answers

DrJackiePhD :

And I sense that your frustration is more a helplessness because you have absolutely no control anymore--right? I'm not downplaying the hurt. But part of that hurt is not being able to do anything about it, yes?

DrJackiePhD :

It's been 3 days since Monday. So I'm guessing there has been no contact?

DrJackiePhD :

Let me ask this--how do YOU want to handle this? You said you wanted answers. Are you trying to understand why you broke up?

DrJackiePhD :

Not sure if you received this-- Let me ask this--how do YOU want to handle this? You said you wanted answers. Are you trying to understand why you broke up?

DrJackiePhD :

Do you still want to chat? I see you in and out. Are you have technical/computer issues?

Customer:

I want to talk to him and sort it out

DrJackiePhD :

I don't know how you feel about bringing another person into it--but is there a mutual friend who could facebook him/text him and tell him you are so sorry for not giving him space over the weekend and ask him to text/call/facebook you and maybe just make a time you could go for a coffee or drink and just talk?

DrJackiePhD :

I would acknowledge your not giving him space; otherwise, I don't know if he would continue to avoid or not. He still may, but it might be worth considering.

Customer:

I asked his mum..we dont have mutual friends

DrJackiePhD :

What did his mum say?

DrJackiePhD :

Are you there?

Customer:

She hasnt replied yet but did at weekend and said it was up ti us to sort it

DrJackiePhD :

Do you know his police academy schedule? Does he go to work during the day? I'm guessing you know where he lives. Would it go against your values to go over this evening or tomorrow evening and just ring the door and see if he is willing to talk? At least he would have to see you/speak to you to answer the door.

Customer:

He is residing in the academy and I dont know his time table

DrJackiePhD :

I don't want to give you false hope. But if you want answers and want any hope of a future, you have to acknowledge your behaviors this past weekend and let him know you won't do that again--you understand and respect his space.

DrJackiePhD :

Does his mum know his schedule? Surely she must know?

Customer:

My behaviour was totally out of character

Customer:

All ive done is apologise

DrJackiePhD :

Again, I wouldn't normally ask you to go through a third person. It does seem like he has made up his mind. But his mind could have been made up under stress. So if there is any hope of a future, you have to make sure he has his own space--and you need yours too. Both people always do. And yes, if this past weekend's actions are not typically you, then you will need to convey that to him. But you will also have to show him. And you don't need to apologize anymore. If you continue to apologize, even if he talks to you, then you basically are still showing that you are desperate and needy and still basically obsessive. You have already apologized. That is all you can do.

Customer:

What do I do now..should I call to his house at weekend

DrJackiePhD :

Statistically, the best chance you have of winning him back is to be yourself. Of course, he would need to SEE that self. That is why I was asking earlier if you had mutual friends who could at least intercede to give you a chance to meet with him.

DrJackiePhD :

Oh, does he live with his mum? I mean when he is not at police academy?

DrJackiePhD :

And yes--or do you think he wouldn't answer if he sees it is your phone?

Customer:

He has his own house but spends time with his mum

DrJackiePhD :

Then yes, I would call him at his mum's. Plus, if you wait until the weekend, that gives him a few more days to "cool off." You'd be surprised at what 5 days can do. At least you will feel better because you truly are trying. And you can ask to meet for tea or coffee or a drink--half an hour. Surely he can give that to you.

DrJackiePhD :

Hello?

Customer:

I dont know if he will..i suspect he cud be cheating in acafemy

DrJackiePhD :

I'm sorry I don't follow.

DrJackiePhD :

Do you mean seeing someone else? I would think he is in academy most of the day. If he found someone since Monday, that would be VERY VERY VERY QUICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Customer:

His lack of contact leads me to believe he has met someone

DrJackiePhD :

Again, I hate to use numbers, but I teach graduate statistics--and statistically speaking, unless he met her WHILE you were with him, I doubt he is with someone. I mean, you were together until 4 or so days ago, right? Most people do not just suddenly meet someone within a week of breaking up.

DrJackiePhD :

I'm not saying it's not possible. It would be most unusual, though.

Customer:

I suspect he met her in there

DrJackiePhD :

Well, one way to find out is to point blank ask him this weekend. But if in his mind you are broken up, and you even said that, it's not cheating, right? I'm not trying to be cruel--I know you are distressed and crushed by this.

DrJackiePhD :

Hello?

Customer:

I know what u mean but I cant get chance to talk

Customer:

Iwas in police academy too and know what iits like

DrJackiePhD :

Do you mean it's easier to meet someone in there to "cope" with the stress of the academy?

Customer:

Yes

DrJackiePhD :

You're in a hard place, and I know you are in a lot of pain. If he doesn't want to talk, then you have to respect his wishes. I wish I could help more. About the only thing I can suggest is trying to ring him at his mum's house and just ask him to talk. I know you know you can't force him. But it doesn't hurt to ask. But one thing--you can't keep apologizing. That drives men more than women nuts and will likely make him run farther in the opposite direction.

DrJackiePhD :

Hello?

DrJackiePhD :

Hello?

DrJackiePhD :

Hello? Do you want to talk?

DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
DrJackiePhD and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Previous | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    210
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RU/Russ0114/2011-12-25_215431_IMG0623.64x64.JPG MrsRuss0114's Avatar

    MrsRuss0114

    LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    154
    B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions