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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hi, My boyfriend has asked for a break, although I know we

Customer Question

Hi,
My boyfriend has asked for a break, although I know we aren't supposed to contact one another, do you think he will be surprised that I have not tried to contact him? I want him to wonder why I have not at least tried to speak.
Thank you in advance.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

He may be surprised that you don't contact him. He may say he feels the need for space to see if you will contact him, proving you care. But he also could really mean he does need a break. He may need time to work through his feelings, which is not uncommon when something like this happens in a relationship. If he just needs time, not contacting him will show you care about his needs.

Because it is hard to tell what your boyfriend's true motivations are with this separation, you might want to give him the week then contact him. Let him know you missed him and want to try with him again. If he refuses, you may have to move on. But if he is willing, then you can try to repair your relationship and make a go of it again.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate






May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate.


 


He tried to end it last weekend, but cried. He then became rude and nasty with me. He would not kiss me but would have sex with me so I feel completely used. He can't forget what happened but I see it as irrelevant because I may not have even cheated. Also, if I had, it was very early into the relationship. It seemed to me that he really did just want to end it, and I can't believe he would do that considering he says he loves me.


 


Would he realise he should drop it if I ended the relationship with him? Would texting him and telling him that if he really wants to end it then just get it over and done with rather than have me waiting and worrying?

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
You can certainly do that. You are half of the relationship and you don't have to follow what he wants if you feel you can either get him to reconsider or you want to leave the relationship to see if he will drop it. He may be overreacting some, but he could have his own issues that cause him to react as he is right now. He also could be angry now but calm down later once he has some time or if you leave the relationship. But it is important that you do what you need to do to take care of yourself as well.

Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate

I do want him to reconsider because I do care for him. But I am afraid that if I end it with him now that the opposite result may happen and that he will never speak to me again because he thinks I don't want to be with him. Also, that I would not be able to take it back if I ended it.

 

Which way would be best to go in order to get him to realise he actually can get over something very insignificant? To ignore him and give him space, or to shock him by ending it?

 

Also, how can I get him to miss me when we are not speaking? I know it is silly, but would me being facebook active portraying I am happy make him want to get in contact with me?

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
It would be very hard to make him miss you. You cannot make anyone feel things they don't already feel. And showing him you are happy without him might hurt him worse.

Talking to him directly might be the best way to fix this. Try telling him how sorry you are and that you are willing to do what it takes to make things better between you. See if he will cooperate. You can do this now if you feel it's ok or wait until the week is over. Communication and rebuilding trust between you are the best ways to address something like this, if he will go along with it.

Kate






If you feel your original question and related follow ups have been answered, I'd appreciate a positive rating on the answers I have provided. Thank you very much!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I have already tried to speak to him and I have said I would do anything to make things better. I have also told him how sorry I am, and that it may not have even happened.


 


He does trust me, but he can't forget what I've done which makes him feel like he can't be with me.


 


So, do you suggest giving him the space, or messaging him to end it? Whichever one that will help me get him back is what I want to go along with.

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Giving him space then at the end of the week talking to him again is probably the best option given the situation.

Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

What about the terms of the break? He said that if he has not messaged me during the week that on Saturday he will text and apologise to end it. So, if I leave it until the weekend it will already be over and I won't be able to mend things?


 

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
You can certainly contact him now, it is up to you. You know him best and if you feel he will respond to that, then that is a good option as well. But in the end, you can only do so much. He has to do the rest.

Kate




I am happy to help with any additional questions. However, please don't forget to rate my answer as OK or higher so I am credited for my work. Thanks so much!

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