Hello-You gave a lot of detail on what seems to be a complicated situation. Hoping I can help a little but if I miss any part of what you are looking for please let me know! It sounds like what you are writing is that you have a very close relationship with this co-worker and there is some sexual tension or just plain chemistry between the both of you. You mentioned that you have a boyfriend so I am sure that adds some confusion within itself. The messages the co-worker is giving you are definitely ones that show he is flirting with you on some level, but then gives some other messages that show that he isn't interested in that way (like not accepting you on facebook). Those mixed messages can be hard to read and understand what the meaning is behind them. What I'm sure makes it even harder is being so close with him and now he is acting distant. One question I have for you is what do you want from the relationship with him? As in do you have interest in him and if he was interested in you how would that change things with you?
Customer: Hi thank you for answering my question, I guess firstly I want to know in your opnion why he is kinda acting way he is now?? It is confusing as I feel deep down he does like me but won't ever admit it, but he wants to meet my bf n not adding me to facebook?? But I love my bf very much but I feel something for him and it annoys me and I guess I want him to kinda feel for me but not do anything if makes sense
Customer: I will add on I know am interested in him but know nothing woukd come off it, could his kinda strange behaviour be down to office politics moving teams or fact I asked him what up n kinda annoyed him, as he called me beautiful stunning etc on nights out loads n met his friends but he does hold back
Customer: The BMA thing is weird too lol
It completely makes sense what you are feeling. You love your boyfriend but it always nice and exciting to have someone be interested or just treat you nicely like he has. Although I cannot for sure say why he is acting the way he is, it does seem that he seems to enjoy flirting with you. It could be a couple of different reasons. Maybe he feels that connection that you feel but also knows that nothing can come from it. So he is able to flirt in a safe way, if that makes sense, but also does keep some boundaries on it. With him going to a new team it could make a difference in his behaviors. Like you stated office politics can be difficult and maybe he is trying to figure all of that out. Plus now with a new team, there may be more distance between you. It sounded like earlier you were saying he would stare at you but not act the same way as he had before. Maybe he is trying to figure out how to fit into the new team. It sounds like you both have a level of comfort-ability with each other. With him keeping some boundaries he also may just be being respectful to the relationship you have with your boyfriend and keeping it at a friendly flirting level. Do any of those kind of fit or make sense?
Customer: But why last week was he ok n he had moved then emailed n texted n now nothing n kinda harsh like saying ur on diff team n laughs but stares at me same way n seems irratated, so u do feel that he does or did fancy me it's not in my head?? Shud I ask again y he don't call me BMA now?? Or just leave it, I feel very sad as he promised wud not happen, n yes does make sense what u said but I feel like am annoying him n y wud he want to meet my bf if fancied me?
Has anything happened in the past week that may have changed how he interacts with you? Maybe not just between the two of you but anything in the office as well? It sounds like he enjoyed flirting with you for sure. That does not appear to be just in your head. He maybe felt comfortable enough with you that he could act more flirtatious but also knew it wouldn't happen so was fine with meeting your boyfriend. Also maybe felt protective in wanting to know your boyfriend to see that he treats you right or was likable. There is a fine line on if you should ask again. You don't want to do too much that ends up pushing him away but also maybe finding different ways to find out what is going on. Maybe even texting him something like "since we are on different teams now we don't see each other often. Want to do lunch or get a drink after work" Something along those lines that doesn't put questioning on him but allows you to communicate with him. Do you think that would work?
Customer: Hi sorry it took while to reply it's been eventful day, I texted him this morning saying I'll leave him alone as he has really upset me, go into work n he looks upset n trys his hardest to not speak to me, but every chance he just stares at me across office n don't take eyes if me even when chatting to others, it's weird like there is tension like not bad way like we just want to cuddle, I spoke or tried but in email he was very Mardy but kinda upset,. Well after work I thought try once more and he did respond he says he don't like texting n lot of time has phone turned off so don't see messages, he said I didn't know we had fell out what's up, well told him how felt n he then rang me but said sorry n he goes u know ur my BMA n hate us arguing n ur my favourite in office, he looking forward to my BBQ n meeting rich he can't wait, so what do u think now?? Do u think does really like me just as friend as u said fine line or fancys me lot but knows can't have me, as surely if didn't care wud not ring n act so upset when we don't talk confused?
Customer: To add in he called me buddy today which kinda threw me but when on phone his mates in background which odd too lol n he wants to bring one who met before why situation so weird is it friends or more he liked
He obviously cares about the relationship that you both have. He wouldn't make the effort to call if he didn't care. If he didn't care he could have blown off the text or just left it at a text. Him calling shows that he wanted to make sure that you and the relationship were ok. He does show signs that it is more than just friends on his part. The staring at you, calling to make sure things are good, wanting to come to the BBQ. One way to really tell if he is interested is by his body language when he is around you. Does he touch you when talking? Here are some signs for body language of someone who is interested: plays with their hair when around you, licks their lips when around you, raises their eyebrows, keeps eye contact for a longer period of time, body will be faced towards you, mirroring your body language, eyes dilated, sits closer to you, etc. If he is doing a lot of those (and it seems you have mentioned quite a few already), it does seem that he is interested but keeping a boundary because of your boyfriend or just respect for you.
Customer: Hi yes I agree n fact when we have tiffs he gets very upset over it, n then always wants to cuddle me he said yest wish I could cuddle u now chick, but he has gf too who I know he loves but has had problems with, body language he does always look in mirror n adjust hair when near me or his tie at work, he use to touch shoulder when he came in, when sat near me, n high fives me lot, but he does stare into my eyes or my chest lol, but matey m buddy what he calls me strange n fact he said once only like u as mate but ages ago, y wud he want to b such good friends then?? N buddy thing?
Customer: Only other thing when people say about us 2 teasing us he gets Mardy sometimes n is nervous when we alone togeather quieter