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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Ok so to give you the story Ill paste what I sent to someone

Customer Question

Ok so to give you the story I'll paste what I sent to someone else - basically I want to know of it's worth contacting her again after everything has calmed down - day a month ?

Here's the story -
Well it wasn't official , we were taking things slow but it was going really well, we met In London on a conference , she does what I do but for reading uni. We were seeing eachother for about 3 months and it was looking like this could well be it , everything slotted into place everything just fitted . Then I had an audit the day before I went on holiday, wasn't awful but enough for my boss to make my life hell so I was under a lot of stress and this all happened when she was having her exams (she gets a free degree) so we talked and we agreed to cool things abit until after her exams. Then I was offered a job in china, obviously wanted to speak to her about it but couldn't get hold of her that day so left a couple of txts and missed calls, she reacted badly saying she needed space I reacted by not telling her about china and just arguing and it ended up that she wanted 2 weeks breathing space to finish her exams and we'd touch base after.

Problem is during that time I was being pressured into a answer about china , so I tried to get hold of her and fix things but she didn't reply so I kept texting and then I had txt too much and by the time I came clean about china it was too late I had basically ended it for myself. When we finally spoke yesterday she said she wasn't interested in going any further and that I showed potential insecureness which she finds really unattractive.

So that was that!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. Well, it seems as though she has made a decision, BUT I would certainly think it is worth trying to contact her again after things calm down a bit. If things were clicking along and this happened, it doesn't necessarily mean the end is inevitable. If you sent her a ton of texts and she viewed that as insecurity, this may be an issue, but you can explain the China situation as the reason and perhaps fix that.
If you had something good, it's hard to jut throw away without at least having some type of closure, whether its the end of the relationship ora second try.
Give her a few weeks and then contact her again. Perhaps a phone call instead of a text.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I think I find myself in catch 22 - I can't explain without sounding desperate and I looked needy without explaining - but I guess in the end I did explain and she still said that. She said to me the whole time about being scared "because she could actually see us going somewhere" which I hope makes more sense you than me because surely that's a good thing!? But I guess I have her a
Reason to take the easy way out- it's annoying because it's not like me and in a way I think maybe I'm being hard on myself , she had exams yes but I also had a lot on and was under a lot of pressure and she knew that , there's no reason she couldn't of set a day to talk to me - that would of taken 2 seconds of her time
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
True, but everyone looks at things differently and I'd bet her side of this would surprise you. She might have issues with committing herself to one person which is why she said she was scared it was going somewhere. Some people will purposely sabotage a situation to get the outcome they want. The hardest thing in situations like this is not being able to go back. You obsess about what could of or should have been and neither one of you can change it a bit.
Focus on the future and the possibility of maybe being able to have things cleared up.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I think that's almost a certainty , she told me a lot of stuff that apparently she never told anyone before , sees been through a period of what she called churning - loads of 3- 6months relationships that she knew were never going to go anywhere , but she wanted to stop that and was actually just going to concentrate on career and getting her degree - then I came along , and ticked every box , but it scared her because there was no easy out , she lived with someone before and the break up was messy and she nearly lost her dad to cancer so she has problems letting herself get attached which she was finding hard to fight with me (she told me all this I'm not guessing) she's been around abit (I have too that not a criticism) but she wanted to stop that and I think she put a lot of pressure on me because she kept saying how I met that criteria , which I think is what has got me so confused. We both like our own space and to travel and I think a lot of people think you can't have that and settle down but ive come to realise in life you can maybe she hasn't. Although she's older ! I think I'll just leave it , if she meant what she said she'll come back right ? I realise I've used you mainly as a sounding board but it helps thank you
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
She may come back. It depends on her pride. Some people, even though they want to come back to a situation, feel as though they can't be the one to make that first move, as it shows weakness. Not saying that is correct...just saying that's how some people view the situation. So it depends. I always tell people that it's better to have some sort of closure of a situation, even f the results aren't what you want, knowing things are over for certain is better than carrying that wondering around with you forever. Give it some time. If this is still eating at you, try one more time to reach out and see what happens. If you get shot down or ignored, you know where you stand. Same with if she responds and is happy you did !
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well the fact that a some point in the next 6months to a year will be stuck in a conference together as possibly a hotel in a mother country may force the issue - I guess that's why I wanted to to least end things properly to avoid any awkwardness - saying something then but I've made the effort to do that - is her choice . I'll will just be professional - anyway thank you
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
I think that is the best way. I hope it works out for you in one way or another.

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