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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Why is guy friend acting distant now??Hi I am sorry this

Customer Question

Why is guy friend acting distant now??

Hi I am sorry this may be long but am going out my mind as I need honest advice and today if possible as I work with guy.

He is 10years younger than me, n has on off gf n me I have bf who 8 years younger.

He started on my section at work 1 year ago n we instantly clicked, below r things he does or did toward me.

Never flirted with other girls in office just me
Always came to me for help, change for card advice etc

Always wanted to pair up with me
Always pure smiles at me n body facing toward me
Messes with hair or tie when near me
Compliments me lot bout my weight as trying to lose bit, clothes etc
Calls me BMA nickname means best mate always
Only got me bday pressie after 2 months
Met his friends n called me beautiful when he was drunk
Says I look smart on nights out n stares a lot at me
Has cuddles touched shoulder etc lot
Texts back not all times as don't like it n gf gets funny
If we argue as we have gets very upset n will ring me if ask or text
Goes to lunch with me on own sometimes
Wanted to meet my friends n bf

These r ways he has always been with me but he now had to move section n he kinda changed he really stresses bout people watching

Things make me think don't like me

He won't add me to facebook but has other girls at work barely talks too this really annoys me
Says I won't get involved with people at work n says lot even though I never say anything
Never tried on with me but flirts
When I was talking bout getting married he went weird saying y u getting married n being negative
When we argued before he said not interested if u fancy me n out lol after it in a text
I met my bf at work n kept secret at first he always asks bout that I don't get y saying so u never told no one n goes on

These are examples for u but last week he gone weird it's like I go over say I want drink canteen he really nice n buys me it then I go over later n he looks moody Mardy n ignores me, new girl opposite him he told me don't like as he very quiet on new section, but yet was trying to talk to her whilst I was him it was weird,. N when I emailed him bout lunch he blanked me, he was fine with everyone n spoke to people at there desks just ignored me n does this sometimes, I don't get it as I have done so much n we r still great friends but I ask him he goes Mardy saying not my business n fine with me but he is not, he gone from being sooo nice to that n I don't get y, my friend says he obviously fancys me n fact he other end of office n am bubbly flirty talk to anyone he prob don't like it.... It's very upsetting as I hate it I texted him n I said want space n he agreed but said ur still my BMA but back down with texts n emails.. Sorry so long but please can anyone help as to why he being like this n does he like me used me confused?, as still goes to lunch?? Today he was very quiet n seemed sad I don't talk unless he did to show how upset how made, he looked at me lot just staring n when walking by too, my friends think he has feelings n is very confused
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like the man you are describing may have a personality disorder. Someone with a personality disorder will play emotional games with someone they know, often with those closest to them. They may act one way, draw you in, then completely change and become hostile and moody the next, with no explanation as to why their mood changed. It leaves you feeling confused and unsure of how to approach the person. And if you have feelings for the person, this type of behavior can make you feel insecure about the relationship.

How you approach your relationship with this man depends very much on what you want. If you want to stay with him, you may have to expect that he will do this often. You can suggest therapy, but if you are not in a clear cut exclusive relationship with him, you may have no power to say he needs to get professional help. So he may not listen. Staying with someone like this means they will play these games whenever they choose and you may have to work with it. You can start to adopt behaviors to help you cope such as walking away when he changes mood and becomes hard to cope with. Or not giving in when he is unkind to you. If you don't react or stop reacting to his behavior changes, he might stop or at least reduce how often he does it.

The other option is leaving the relationship and moving on. Often this is the hardest choice since it hurts you emotionally, but in the end, it is the better choice since it gets you out of the pattern of control and hurt he inflicts.

Which you choose is up to you. But if you feel overwhelmed by his actions and feel you need support, therapy is a great option. You can work with a therapist to help you decide what is the best choice for you. Plus you can get the support you deserve.

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. You can rate and continue to ask follow up questions (to your original question only) if needed. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
That does make sense what ur saying but it not be more clear cut like things he said to me maybe I annoy him ??. Does he fancy me possibly n is unsure how to be with me as our situation work togeather partners etc?? Don't u think this cud be possible as I don't want to stop being friends with him, for instance why wud he call me BMA ?? also he wasn't like this when sitting on my section so much more so since moved but was odd occasion he does get really paranoid though but managers watching etc though he always been like that
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
If he has feelings about you and your relationship, he could always say so directly to you. So most likely, he is doing this because of his own personality issues. In a healthy relationship, that is what should occur. He should tell you if he is upset with you, not play games with your emotions.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
But does he not as I have bf him gf n we work togeather ?? Maybe he thinks not right too , so ur thinking maybe he just doesn't like me at all?? Am bit confused sorry , I guess I feel maybe something I have done has changed this as he not always been like this , as he is a very nice guy he never talks bout us 2 anyone,. N loves being around me he says , I said let's have space n he agreed but now he just stares n looks upset, am worried as if I carry on ignoring him he is sort of guy who will think she don't care n prob ignore me back ie shy so I would have to make first move
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
It sounds like your relationship needs sorted out. If you want to be with him, you may have to make it obvious to him as well as be only with him, not have a boyfriend (and him a girlfriend). As long as you both have attraction to each other but are in other relationships, it's going to be mixed up as it is. Again, if he wants to be with you and you with him, the communication between you has to be clear. You have to say what you want and he has to do the same. If not, it's going to be confusing and upsetting.


I hope my answer and the follow up questions I've responded to have helped you. If you would please rate my answers with a positive, I would appreciate it. It is the only way experts are paid for their work.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So I guess my question is do u think honestly from what I told u he fancys me?? As I said it once when I was drunk n apologised the next day but he kept asking me why I said it I said cudnt remember but ur right, but if u think that's why it's like this our weird relationship please say and to add on another colleague at work who sat between us before he moved Said she feels he likes this as gone beyond friendship meaning he has feelings n don't know how to deal with them his age maybe too as he 22
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
While I cannot say for sure what he is feeling since I would need to talk to him directly in order to determine that, it does sound like he likes you from what you have told me.


If you feel your original question and related follow ups have been answered, I'd appreciate a positive rating on the answers I have provided. Thanks so much!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry to go on but this annoying me n just think bout it all time, I feel sad n upset n inside going crazy as I just guess want him n hate myself for feeling this way,, I have guy friends n good ones but this feels different it's like a weird connection with him n he calls my other female colleagues sisters but won't me,. N I feel he likes me even though once he said didn't but was annoyed at me, n he knows nothing can prob come off it, but maybe my friend had point bout beyond friendship do u think??
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
It sounds like he could like you. But it is hard to tell without talking directly to him. If he treats you differently, that can be a sign.

I have helped answer as much as I can about your question. If you feel strongly about this issue, you may benefit from talking to a therapist in person. The therapist can support you and help you decide how you want to progress with this relationship.

Please rate my answers so I can be paid for my time.


TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Since last spoke to you the situation got loads better, I went up to him n actually apologised as we had massive argument over text where I said want space etc and he said back off from emails and texting, he said would I be upset if weren't his BMA anymore too, we have actually in way gone back to how he use to be except he don't reply to my texts at all n rarely emails, and most times I have to go to his desk to talk he still goes kinda serious when my end n kinda ignores me on purpose.... He also said in a meeting I held oh I spoke with sister on facebook n kinda smirked at me that's a girl next to him not his type at all why sister, but yet am only one he refuses to add or talk to on facebook still?? He stares and teases me loads still n says as joke I bully him as I tease him n gets that girl to stick up for him, she my mate too, also he has asked bout my diet saying I look good n stares constantly but being serious, talks more bout his gf than before n gone on lunch alond but seemed wary doing it only in canteen, like unsure if to do or not, am still kinda annoyed as he acting kinda odd still as u can see n sat at his desk holding my hand when I said slap me for being horrible to him, n he tried to put money in my pocket on top near my breast? Maybe he just being friendly it is very strange I don't know, always says miss our section n to my colleagues but never me yet am supposed to be his best mate?? Calls me mate too rarely BMA sorry to go on but y all this ok disorder but do u think he does like me or I irrate him?? I need clarification as finding hard now working with him
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, it's good to hear from you.

This appears to be a new set of questions, different from your original questions. Just Answer prefers that you open a new question page for new questions. This ensures that you get the best possible answers to your questions and that the expert providing your answers is paid for their time and expertise.

Also, when you do open a new question, you need to rate your answers so the experts helping you can be paid for their work.



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