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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Me and my girlfriend split up a week ago we have been together

Customer Question

Me and my girlfriend split up a week ago we have been together for 14 months she said she just wants to be friends go away with me for weekends and holidays we are both in our late 30s...upto 2 weeks ago we where planning on moving in together and even talking about having kids it all kind of went wrong 2 weeks ago we went to her brother in law birthday bbq i didint know anyone they where all quite loud and am shy no one talked to me either the following 3 days she was cold with me not holding my hand sitting away from me so i didint hold her hand etc as i thought she was angry or tired or something(really i should of said something) 3 days after when i went home her friend pushed a letter through my door saying she just wants to be friends the bbq made her realise i wasint close to her and she was fooling herself..i text her to come to my house she did 3 days later i told her how much i love her and meeting her was like all my dreams come true i want to spend my life with her we should work at it and give it 1 or 2 months rather than give up on each other she said she would think about it...she also said she was testing me not holding my hand to see if i would i wanted to but thought she was upset with me so i let her be she also said she was fed up always initiating sex i find it hard as am she anyway week later i had another letter through my door saying she just wants to be friends sm broken hearted ive never been do happy in my life! And i want to be with her!..i also work for her 3 days a week in a job i love these past few days have been hard it feels like weave never been in s relationship calling me by my name at every chance she gets!! she dosint seem to want to talk about us anymore like shes moved on in a few days i sent her texts saying thank u fir making me so happy over the past year and shes someone special she text back saying hi Neil yea thanks 2 what time are you at work..we had only 2 arguments when we where together one time she siad she had cooked me 12 meals and i only cooked her 8 relationships are about give and take you know even tho i fid a lot for her another time we had taxi i forgot to give her the 10p/10c change she went mad accusing me being obsessed with money and ripping her off is that normal fir a 35year old?? i love her is there any chance hear??? should i ve friends with her i said i cant as i love her?? And should i carry on work for her???
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. There may still be a chance with her, you need to get her to the point where she will talk with you. She needs to understand the differences between women and men and that by playing a game with you, testing you, she is never going to get the results she wants because men aren't mind readers and women expect that. It happens all the time.
The old saying that when you ask a woman what's wrong and she says "nothing" it never means that, is actually true. Women are deep thinkers and expect men to understand when something is wrong, what they did wrong, how to fix everything, etc. If she is doing this to you at this point in your relationship, she will always to this to you, give you tests to see if you really care, etc. and that might be tough for you to navigate through as this can become very stressful unless she changes the way she handles her end of the relationship.
The comment about money was a little odd. No, it is not normal for someone to react like that. She may have been having a bad day or a hormonal imbalance at that time, but her reaction is certainly over the top.
If she is counting meals, then she is certainly out to judge every tiny thing you do and will do for her. She seems like a game player as far as that goes. You were doing well and then one mistake happened and she recalls every little thing she can to make things seem worse than they are.
You should not stay friends with her only. This will never work for you. You will not be able to do it.
Keep trying to contact her about talking. If she is writing letters and can't communicate with you on a face to face basis, this is not a good thing either. She has some of her own issues she needs to work out to be able to have responsibility in the relationship.
As far as work goes..that's up to you.
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


ive tried talking to her told her what ever problems there are we need to work it out she told me she loved me and even 2 weeks ago on morning of bbq she said about where my furniture will go when i move in!! Now she said she was fooling her self and now she realises we arnt close and i should respect her decision..now i just been seeing her at work 3 days a week hardley talking and if we do like weave never been in a relationship just friends...a few years before she met me she was married but ge ran away with another women so did the following boyfriend don't know if this has afected her it probley has she dosint want to talk about the relationship that we had i don't feel i can do anything..with the meals and money thing am wondering if an ex partner took advantage of her and now she acuses all men of ripping her off??

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Anything is possible and we all learn from experiences, but her reactions were still over the top. For things to be so dramatic and fast, is it possible there might be someone else either involved with her or telling her to leave you ?
There is something definitely going on for her to act like this, or she just is shutting down all her feelings altogether to protect her own emotions, which is also something women can commonly do.
I might suggest acting completely the opposite of how you feel for a bit to see if she changes her work approach with you. Don't talk to her unless you have to and pretend you are ok with the split and be confident about your future. I know you don't feel like this at all, but if she sees your confidence and that she didn't effect you emotionally like she had expected, she might be shocked enough to approach you so you can talk. Sometimes this works really well with people who tend to test and play games as she has done. She enjoys your reaction of sadness. If you show her the opposite, she migh tnot know how to react.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Customer: replied 3 years ago.

i think might be her best friend who lives next door i heard them talking once about me and she said id that what he said?? Shes a social worker and my ex listens to her they went on holiday together there was a young child dancing in a bar/reastuarant late at night as they were a family on holiday enjoying themselves my ex friend ran over to them should that child should be in bed there was nearly a fight so i think its maby her

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
When dealing with an outside influence, you have an uphill battle on your hands, unfortunately. Listening to others and allowing them to have a say in your relationship is not a good trait for her to have and would cause issues int he future if you do get back together. Something to consider.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


i love her so much and i was so happy i don't think there anything i can do as shes made her mind up she dosint even want to try she said she dosint want to open it up again she dosint want to talk about any of it nomire i will just get and new job and try forget about her i cant just pretend we are friends and nothing has ever happens between us

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Its best not to just be friends. Well, I wish you luck. I hope that once you are no longer around, maybe she can change her mind. It doesn't sound as though she is true to herself if she is easily influenced and likes to play games. Hopefully she will realize she can't do that to people in the future.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


thanks for all your advice best wishes

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
You as well and please let me know if I can help you further.

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