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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5775
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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YES!! you have just told me what I know but it is so nice to

Resolved Question:

YES!! you have just told me what I know but it is so nice to hear it from you the expert! I just do not know what her issues are! but when I am there it's ok but if we go anywhere as a famliy about 10 mins before we go she then tell me her mother is comming with us!! and if I say something she just goes off on one! my mum was over with me 2 years ago and we pop out for 5 mins, I said let me pick mum up on the way through so she can come on the school run to pick up our daughter! but my wife said we have no time got to get to the school!! 3 hours later my mum is still waiting! as I said I will be back in a few mins to get you for the school pick up!!! but if it was her mum she would just go out of the way to get her! at the end of the day my famliy have a right to see my daughter, and that's why I am always looking out of the window!! I have told her many times but it always falls on deaf ears! thank you
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
You're welcome! And thank you for your kind words :)
It definitely sounds like your wife is very attached to her mother and to her father. While a close relationship with parents is nice to have, you cannot displace your husband, his family and anyone else in favor of this relationship. Basically that means she should not be putting her mother first and telling you that she cannot go places with you without her mother riding along. Also, making your mother wait is basically telling you that she values her relationship with her mother first and others do not matter. That is not helpful to your relationship, family or marriage. It also shows your daughter that it is ok to put parents first before your marriage. While that may not harm her per say, it may set your daughter up for problems in her own marriage.
If you can, talk with your wife like we mentioned in the previous answers. See if she will listen and maybe consider why she is putting her parents first. But if not or there is some reason she cannot work this out with you, therapy is a must. For your marriage and your family, the reasons behind your wife's need to put her mother and father first need to be address somehow.
And in the meanwhile, try to gently suggest to your wife that next time you both go out or do anything as a family, that you would like for her to leave her parents out of it, at least one time. See if she will cooperate. If you ask for one time, she may be willing to try. Then try to build on this by asking again another time. See if she eventually will leave her parents out most of the time when you are doing things as a family.
Kate
If you would, please positively rate the answer I provided. If you wish my assistance only, put "Kate" at the beginning of your new question. Otherwise, another expert may answer your question when you post it. Thanks so much!
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5775
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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