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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I joined the Catholic church after being away for a long time

Resolved Question:

I joined the Catholic church after being away for a long time and now because of it I seem to have lost my husband. He does not like the faith that I follow and he has been very disruptive and now he has asked for a divorce.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. So it sounds as though you have chosen religion over your husband if I read this correctly. By saying you won't stand in his way if he wants a divorce, you are choosing a belief system over your relationship.
If this is your choice, this is your business. Perhaps you would consider his side of things and look into the historic values of your choice before making a decision which will effect the rest of your life. If you truly believe the teachings of the Catholic faith, maybe you can compromise with him and have your beliefs without joining a church or being a part of organized religion? You do not need to be a part of something officially in order to hold your chosen belief system. You do not have to be a member of a church to call yourself a Catholic, if that's what you believe in.
A compromise may work if you value your relationship enough to bend a bit on your choice. You should not be living separate lives and expect to have a healthy outcome. Ask him if there is anything you can do to change his mind (if you want to) and see which is more important to you.
The bot***** *****ne is, you appear to have a choice to make. A religious organization or your marriage. Only you can make this choice. You need to decide if you want to work on your marriage and get your husband and your relationship back to where it was, or to walk away and choose the religious path.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hello Dr Paige,

I guess that you are right about choosing! But I did not intend that to happen it was unexpected when it happened. Thinking about it you are right I could stay away from the Church, If it upsets my husband, But it was a really nice place to go and I have found a lot of new friends there.

I wonder sometimes why hubby cant get along with the Christian faith as it does really rule everyones lives and I was just trying to get along with things.

Thank you for your reply and maybe your new approach may work with him.

Kind Regards

Joan

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
I have seen this a lot actually. Religion historically is a very negative thing and a lot of people feel very strongly about it being more of an evil than a good. Your husband may feel this way, I am just guessing because that is the popular view of people who see historic facts over than spiritual belief. He probably feels just as strongly about you being involved with what he may see as a cult and wants no part of it. Again, I'm guessing based on my experience of spouses leaving one another when they join a religious organization. The Christian faith does not rule everyone's lives. I know very few Christians personally and a lot of ex Christians. Having that view of it being the ruling force in the world is not healthy. Probably one of the attitudes which your husband does not like, I would guess.
With both of you feeling so strongly in opposite directions, the answer should be in the middle somewhere. Personally, I would choose my relationship and if I had my beliefs, I would keep them without being involved in the church. You can still keep your friends hopefully even if you are not a member of the church, as they should not judge you or your husband for your choices if they are true Christians.
Talk to your husband, see what the is ok with and what he is not and if you are ok with it or are not. There is more than black and white. There is a gray area where you can both come back to a happy relationship. You both need to find that. I wish you luck.