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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My boyfriend split up with me back in March after what I can

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My boyfriend split up with me back in March after what I can only describe as a bit of a whirlwind romance. We did everything too quickly especially the moving in together part. He never really gave me any proper explanation as to why we broke up and it left me utterly confused. The first week after the break up I did pester him, then finally came to my senses and stayed away from him... No contact, nothing what so ever! I finally felt as though I'd moved on, thinking about him didn't phase me and I didn't even really care if he had a new girlfriend. the problem is now, is that about 2 weeks ago he contacted me to say I'd left a jacket there and would I like to go collect it as he was moving out. I was surprised at how I felt when he rang me, a bit confused yet happy so I decided I'd go there that night and get it. It went from collecting my coat to drinking wine together to ending up back in bed. He had told me that he was sorry for the way he had treated me and that if he could turn back the clock he would. I left early in the morning before he awoke as I felt like a complete idiot, I grabbed my stuff and left quickly only to realise that half way home I'd left my purse there. I avoided contacting him for fear that he'd think I'd done it on purpose. I ended up having to contact him about it and I picked up on Saturday just gone. When I got there we had a bit of a chat and he asked me if I had regretted it to which I replied I didn't but I did feel a bit annoyed at myself for letting it happen, he also told me that he had enjoyed our time together. He then told me to contact him if I was going out and I told him he had my number and left it at that. Since Saturday I have not heard from him nor have I contacted him and was wondering from an experts point of view what is going on in my exes head? I also found out that 2 weeks after we'd split up he had been dating another girl that he works with, he told me it was much later on but I know it wasn't and since things were weird between us at the end of the relationship I'm pretty sure that this was pre-arranged and maybe even the reason why we split up. It wouldn't surprise me since he admitted to cheating on me in the first week of our relationship. I've now realised that I do still love this guy, should I contact him first or not?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. Half way through reading your question, my thought was that he was involved in another relationship which was the cause of your initial break up. I do believe that your suspicions on this is correct, based on his behavior.
I would offer a word of caution in proceeding. While there is nothing wrong with trying again and having a second shot at this, he has proved himself to be a bit untrustworthy. If you really have feelings for him and you do want to try again with him, my advice would be to first of all, sit down with him or over the phone, have a chat with him about the situation honestly and openly. Explain to him that you felt really hurt about how he ended the relationship and your doubts about his honesty. Explain that you are willing to try a relationship again with him if he is also willing to do the same, but that you both need to take it very slow and casual. I would start with some dates, maybe a movie or a concert, whatever you both are into and not sleeping with each other. Do some casual dating and learning about each other in a better way than you had previously. See how you feel at that point. Be aware of his past behavior all the while and trust in your own intuition if something doesn't feel right.
As far as what's in his head..that's difficult to say based on just this question, but he may be the kind of guy who enjoys girls wanting him and can't say no to the opportunity. He may also be a guy who honestly feels bad for what he did and is truthful about wanting to ry again. It could also be anything in between. Remember that men are generally straight forward about things. They are not deep thinkers or game players like a lot of women tend to be. He may be not contacting you for the same reason you did not want to contact him, or he may not be contacting you because he honestly is not interested in anything more serious and perhaps just sexual encounters.
If you need closure in your feelings and want to either reopen or close that chapter you should contact him to put it out in the open. If you sit and think about it, don't feel good about it after all and decide to let him go, then do that. There really isn't a rule to follow in these situations, it's more of a proceed with caution type thing where you were burned once before, try not to let it happen again. Easier said than done, I know, but you were able to forget about him before and do it well. If he did the same thing to you, would you be able to do it again ? Ask yourself some questions about different outcomes and how you think you would handle it. It might help you make your decision. In either case, you do want to have some closure to this so you aren't sitting wondering what if, all the time.
He lied once he treated you badly before. He should make you satisfied with his reasons for those things or else he will feel he got away with it before, why not do it again.
Be careful, be cautious, listen to your head before your heart.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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