Welcome! I'm a Relationship Expert with A Background in Professional Couple's Counseling. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. But you know what? I need some detailed information about your situation to better provide a high quality answer:
Do you mind telling me what the top 1-3 relationship problems? When did your problem or problems start?
Hi! I see you're in chat. I need more info please.
How long have you been married?
What would your husband say if he were here and I could ask him what the top 1-3 problems were in your relationship?
Is he happy?
Ok so he's having money stress and doesn't like his job?
why resent you?
I see. Thank you for clarifying.
I know that it is incredibly important for a man these days to feel like he is making a solid contribution financially, that he can be depended upon to take care of his family....
I think that in a situation like the one you describe it's critical to get an emotionally focused conversation going. I think a very good place for you to start will be to read a book by the world's leading couples therapist an researcher.
Let me start by getting you a link:
Here's the book I'm talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn03y2ixwtU
you may have to cut and past the link into your browser. I just got it off YouTube for you.
The vast majority of marriages experiencing the kind of problems you are describing can not only be saved but you can actually build a much deeper, more profound emotional connection then ever before.
You've heard it 100's of times I bet. but the life blood of a healthy marriage is effective communication.
I'm recommending this book because it guides you through a conversation together - the book asks the sensitive questions that need to be asked in your relationship right now - but you both answer.
The learning can be profound. You can surface emotional insecurities, past hurts, current anxieties in a very structured way with this book, and most importantly learn how to deeply connect and expand that connection of intimacy by soothing and reassuring each other.
Money and job problems are on the top 5 list of the most common marriage problems leading to divorce. It's become worse with recent economic downturns etc.
You're husband may need to know that he's safe with you no matter what happens, as long as he's doing everything he can to improve things money wise.
You mentioned depression too. I was reminded of this book for you, because the author conducted recent research that showed this communication approach in counseling actually cured clinically significant depression when 1 partner had it simply by creating deeper connection and emotional intimacy between the partners....
There was no depression treatment.
As you read the book together (you could make a date each night for a week of it) you may surface issues around finance (likely based on what you've said here) or maybe even more serious mental health issues (statistically unlikely) and then you can take next steps to rectify those problems.
For example, career counseling/coaching can be powerful for finding the right kind of work. So can working with a financial expert.
Also when in general, you want to avoid certain communication patterns, especially when times are difficult. Let me get you another link; back in a few moments...
You want to avoid criticism and defensiveness at all costs when a marriage is facing problems.
You also want to correct the pattern of shutting down communication and emotions, because this is where effective communication is most critical.
Do you think your husband might be open to learning and doing more about effective couples communication in your relationship?
Oh here's another great find:
The 5 love languages builds a lot of the strategy I'm recommending here for your couple's communication in a very simple and powerful model.
Ah that's a different question... and a very normal one.
Do you mind telling more about what you're feeling and why you may think you've fallen out of love?
I'm very sorry to hear that. The lack of effort is fixable. Partner violence is another thing. Do you mind sharing a bit about what happened?
I'm going to pause the timer because we only have 11 minutes left in chat from 1 hour.
I'll check in a few minutes for your detailed response....
ok thought I'd check back to see if you had a chance to respond.
no problem. But we are limited to an hour.
If there's been partner violence there needs to be a safety plan. You may also want to consider specialized counseling.
I notice you're offline. So I'll check back in about 30 minutes for your response. If you're back an I'm not, please give me a detailed account of what happened and the level of risk you see in your relationship for any more violence..
I am so sorry to hear that! Sound's like that's the actually the top relationship problem you're facing. Yes pausing now. Also please take a look at this link: http://www.psychotherapy.net/article/couples-abuse-assessment