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Eveningstargazer
Eveningstargazer, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 155
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
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Why did my partner ever want to go out with me? I have been

Resolved Question:

Why did my partner ever want to go out with me?
I have been seeing this guy that I mentioned in my two previous questions for 5 months now. I am not going on holiday with him as can't afford it. I constantly argue with him as he never puts me first, and always runs to his family when they call and we are together. I have only had one date with him in all the time, and is always making excuses. I am so frustrated as he never listens to me and complains that he never seems to do anything right
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Eveningstargazer replied 2 years ago.
Eveningstargazer :

Hello, I can certainly attempt to help you with this. It sounds like you and he had some sort of connection that originally brought you two together, but since then the relationship has strayed from its original course. My advise is to sit down with him and have an open and honest conversation about where this relationship is right now and where it is going. You'll want to touch on how it makes you feel when he chooses his family over you every time as well as how it makes you feel that you have only been on one date within the 5 months that you have been together.

Also think about what first attracted yourself to him and vica versa. Touch on that within the conversation as it might stir up the feelings that you two once shared and have since lost. You deserve to know where the relationship stands and if it is going anywhere. Being open and honest with one another is a great foundation for a relationship to evolve and flourish. Once you are both on the same page, an informed decision can be made on how you two wish to proceed.

Eveningstargazer :

if you would like any further clarification or details please let me know and we can continue to chat

Customer:

The problem is that his sister-in-law always interferes, as if he is a child, and gives me abuse as if I'm being a bitch toward him. He never sticks up for me at all. His sister-in-law was meant to be my friend before I met him at work, yet she seems to know everything that goes on between us and always has to interfere with everything. I have now blocked her on facebook, and via texting, yet she still continues to try to get at me. I have told him the next time she tries to send me a text, I will be onto the police about her. I don't want some member of his family (ex-friend), presiding over every decision we take. I don't understand why she was my friend in the first place, as she doesn't care about my happiness and makes out that I am the bad person in this relationship.

Customer:

Can you advise on the above?

Customer:

Why did you not reply, when I asked you a further question on the above matter?

Eveningstargazer :

Hello, I will be replying momentarily. I'm on my commute home from work right now (this message is coming from my phone). I should be home and available to respond in about 30 more minutes

Eveningstargazer :

I apologize for the delay in my response. It is difficult when other family members involve themselves in your relationship. They insert themselves out of a need to protect their family member, but also in order to feel as though they are needed and necessary. There are two different ways you could approach the situation. The first is to sit down with him and explore your relationship and the way in which she impacts your relationship with him.

Eveningstargazer :

the second is to reach out to his sister-in-law in a neutral way, such as arranging lunch, and identify your concerns with her. This will assist you in better understanding her own concerns as well expressing yours

Eveningstargazer :

You will need to do some soul searching to really explore if these efforts are worth your time if you are struggling with the relationship to begin with. If you don't feel that you are being respected, cared for, or prioritized, this may not be a healthy relationship for you. This could be an opportunity for your to become comfortable being independent (not to say that you cannot function on your own, but rather that as a social culture we often struggle to be emotionally independent). When family is overly involved, and your partner does not seem to see this, nor react appropriately, this is often something that at least to some extent will always be present in the relationship. Family opinion is clearly something that is very important to him, unfortunately that opinion is being expressed directly to you, rather than as appropriate guidance to him.

Eveningstargazer, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 155
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
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