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therapist325
therapist325, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 100
Experience:  Licensed Professional counselor with specialized training in relationships.
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I am in a situation at the moment and woudl appreciate some

Resolved Question:

I am in a situation at the moment and woudl appreciate some advice.
I am 28 years old and have been with my partner since I was 16. I we married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son together. He was from a different background to me and I adapted very well into his islamic culture and religion.
I have never been treated great by him and until marriage lived on my own, worked and was very independent. 4 weeks after marriage I moved out of his mothers house as I was being mistreated- he didn't leave but we agreed we would work on us together. I ended up sleeping on my friends sofa (I was roughly 1 month pregnant) with little support from him. I had a very difficult pregnancy and spent majority of it in and out of hospital -again with little or no support from him.
When I had my son I had managed to save money as I was working prior to preg and rented a house. His mum who had ill health (kidneys) needed him at home so I raised my son practically on my own for the first year. On my sons first birthday his mum passed away and I helped greatly with the support of his sister and nephews including him.
After his mum passed away there was a lot of pressure for me to move into his house again but this time just me him and my son. I agreed- however arguments began which always resulted in him telling me to leave - which I did numerous times to friends house.
I recently discovered that throughout the 11 years we have been together he has cheated on me. He opened a fake facebook account where he was contacting women as old as 55 to meet for sex. He met 2 women one who was 55 and one who was 22 - I found 100's of messages as he had this account since 2007 messaging some of my friends (he used a photo that resembled him, but wasn't him and a fake name).
In my line of work I meet many people so if I told him something that happened at my work with '***** *****' he seemed to find them and add them to talk about sex.
I find this all very hurtful as I do love him and I know I have accepted below the minimum with him but I had no choice but to leave.
I rented a house with me and my son but the memories haunt me. When he would tell em to 'get out' he would meet these women. I feel like there is no trust.
He is convinced of his love for me now saying how much he wants to change how he hated lying and he knows I have been a good wife to him. He tried to kill himself which I won't sympathise it as I know its attention.
He is on his own as his dad isnt around and his mum has passed. I have been a good person to him probably too good and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I miss him and want him but then others I hate him when I remember what he has done to me.
Is this worth saving?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
therapist325 :

Hello-hoping I can help a little. It sounds like you have a lot going on with your husband which is complicated. It is hard when we have been in love with someone as long as you have and they hurt us. It is totally normal that you have lost trust with him as he has given you a lot of reasons for you not to trust him. You seem to have really good insight into the situation (for example knowing that the suicidal part was attention seeking) but emotions like love are strong and don't always let us just move forward. He has done a lot to you that has been hurtful and placed a lot of responsibility of the relationship and your family (your son together) without him being very supportive. With all of the things he has done to hurt you it would be necessary for you to work through the hurt and him to work on his issues for the relationship to be healthy and continue. If he can't change his behaviors it won't work and you don't deserve that. He has broken trust so that would take time for him to begin to prove that you can trust him again. Do you think he is capable of handling that process as it can be intense? Would he be willing to try couples therapy to work on the relationship? I think that if he is willing to work for the relationship he is going to have to prove that he is working for it and that he is wiling to do what is needed to have this relationship. Does that make sense?

Customer: Yes thanks
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