Hello-hoping I can help a little. It sounds like you have a lot going on with your husband which is complicated. It is hard when we have been in love with someone as long as you have and they hurt us. It is totally normal that you have lost trust with him as he has given you a lot of reasons for you not to trust him. You seem to have really good insight into the situation (for example knowing that the suicidal part was attention seeking) but emotions like love are strong and don't always let us just move forward. He has done a lot to you that has been hurtful and placed a lot of responsibility of the relationship and your family (your son together) without him being very supportive. With all of the things he has done to hurt you it would be necessary for you to work through the hurt and him to work on his issues for the relationship to be healthy and continue. If he can't change his behaviors it won't work and you don't deserve that. He has broken trust so that would take time for him to begin to prove that you can trust him again. Do you think he is capable of handling that process as it can be intense? Would he be willing to try couples therapy to work on the relationship? I think that if he is willing to work for the relationship he is going to have to prove that he is working for it and that he is wiling to do what is needed to have this relationship. Does that make sense?