If you didn't like my answers from before, then it would be unwise for me to present them again, or to try to find out how you disagreed with my help, so I could meet what your objections might be--because of course it's always possible I didn't know enough about your situation to complete the job. But all I know is that the question in which we were communicating has been closed by a moderator. So please let me know if you truly want me to not try to work with you towards the kind of understanding you want to have. If you were offended that I wrote that medical doctors have their own professional challenges to deal with that could make an ongoing relationship with that girl even less likely to endure, then I'm sorry. But at my age I expect that people who are concerned about the issues their partner might have can also benefit from considering the sorts of issues that might come with their own personal and professional choices in life. At any rate, I'm quite content to opt out of discussions with you if that's what you want. Just let me know.
For at present I have no clear idea about why the moderator closed a question in which I thought we were seeing eye to eye.
I'm a touch confused also as I didn't ask for the question to be closed, so I'm sorry that it has been. It certainly did not have anything to do with your insights on the professional challenges of medical doctors. I do certainly have my concerns over my suitability for the career, given the rates of depression present in professionals - a condition by which I am already afflicted.
I am still trying to get my head around the factors which have influenced J's decision making and have included more details in the newly posted question, which was posted as a free question, with the aim of gaining as many opinions as possible. I understand that her parent's divorce may have resulted in a fear
of abandonment and that the decision to breakup on her part may have resulted from a need to control her emotional vulnerability. The quick establishment of a new relationship was presumably connected to low-self esteem and resulting need for attention/codependence. Still, I fail to understand how she could be so seemingly emotionless and remorseless whilst messaging this guy in front of me, in the content of the messages and even as we broke up.
Thanks, ***** ***** up somewhat. I'll copy and read the new details in your new writeup. But right now I'm colled to care for my 26 yr old daughter, and my wife is also very ill. By the way, I'm not prone to depression, though my mother was; I'm prone to hypomania. And I published a medical research article on low dose naltrexone with Jaak Panksepp, who led me to it almost 10 years ago. He recommends it as an antidepressant and it's a surprisingly effective endorphin and immune system potentiator, such that it prevents inflammation, arrests autoimmune diseases and prevents or retards many cancer cell lines. You can google the article under my name and naltrexone, or under his name. (He's now coauthoring a revision of a book The Emotional Dynamics of Love: Psychology, Neuroscience and the Experience, that I began in 2003 and we'll use it to build a bridge between Psychology & Neurosciences towards a unified science of the emotions.)
I bring this up because I forgot about your mention of depression as a vulnerability of yours. We've all got them one way or another.
Now I've also got a spyware on my computer, so I'll have to shut down without being able to read your writing carefully, and can't get it fixed (for the second time) until tomorrow. She acts like she's quite dependent on daily presence and sex, and she needs somebody to be her partner, and has no tolerance for being alone. Her relationship behavior is addictive, which fits with eating disorders, drugs and promiscuity.
Thank you for your answer and advice, Dr Brown. I shall look forward to hearing from you in the coming days. All the best to yourself and your family.
I understand that Jasmine's parents' divorce may have resulted in a fear of abandonment and that the decision to breakup on her part may have resulted from a need to control her emotional vulnerability. The quick establishment of a new relationship was presumably connected to low-self esteem and resulting need for attention/codependence.
Still, I fail to understand how she could be so seemingly emotionless and remorseless whilst messaging this guy in front of me, in the content of the messages and even as we broke up. She has spoken to me twice online since the breakup, albeit briefly and seemingly without much affection. To me, her cold behaviour is suggestive perhaps of a disorder and certainly of an incredible capacity for emotional coldness. What do you think?
I also hate to think of her as someone who simply adores the idea of love/a perfect relationship, as this suggests that she never truly felt for me...
I suppose my prevailing concerns are that:
She has seemed to regain happiness so quickly, considering the nature of what we had. The need for attention, daily presence etc explains the breakup but the immediate recovery (I'm not even sure she has a partner but she's still loving her life) really hurts.
The idea of her looking back and thinking she overestimated her feelings/never really loved me.
I'm not sure if the last message got through, hoping it did.
Thank you for your response, Dr Brown, you have helped to shed new light on the situation and hopefully I shall be able to employ your advice and progress in more positive directions - I am trying to engage in a number of activities to ascertain whether I would be more suited to an alternative career - given my psychology. What do you think?
If possible, I would also just like to summarise our conclusions from the following variables.
Can we form a summary out of these conclusion so that I may remind myself of it.... I am scarily low at present and NEED to understand this. Thanks very much.
The final confusing aspect on top of all of the aforementioned is the fact that Jasmine and her ex-bf were together for 2 years, and for the entire time he was at university... they only say one another once a month, except for Summer, and yet she stayed with him and stayed faithful.
Our relationship only survived three weeks of separation! Yet she told me about all of the negative aspects of their relationship, said that she doubted she ever truly loved him and that she had never loved anyone as much as she loved me.
Perhaps this is due to the fact that, whilst they were together, she was at home with a familiar support network - family, long term friends - but with us she has moved away to university - new environment, new city, new challenges, new people etc. i.e. removal of the support network so heightened need for a partner - does this truly make sense though given the extremely short term that our partnership survived?!