I am still struggling with my break-up which we discussed and was wondering whether you could answer some more questions relating to it?
Basically, I cannot reconcile the image of the individual that I knew with her behaviour. We discussed BPD and I have looked into the condition further. It seems that she did indeed bear a number of traits and her behaviour was somewhat indicative of a personality disorder. However, she never showed any signs of anger or rage and her cold/hot behaviour was not clearly cyclical. It was more as though she was ordinarily quite cool and cold and just occasionally showed affection.
What worries me is that this typically came after sex, so could have just been a natural increase in affection, rather than a warm phase triggered by the intimacy.
I wonder whether it was just an infatuation for her and when we parted the lack of affection and immediate attention, in addition to an unspoken conviction that the relationship would not work long distance, numerous distractions and temptations and the attention of a senior, led to her cheating/the break up. I
am having a tremendously hard time however understanding whether such a complete loss of affection for me could have occurred in such a short space of time, even if it was nothing more than infatuation on her side. Finally, I wonder whether you would consider her behaviour cold and selfish?
Up until we left for university, we lived together then went to Barcelona together for a week. During this time she said this such as "I want to spend my life with you", "we'll leave the kids with my sister and come back in 10 years" and "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone" etc.
Then, whilst we were apart I was still receiving these emotionally charged texts and calls. After a week it toned down a touch to simply "you're my favourite person in the world" after 24 hours NC - almost in apology, as though she was trying to convince herself. Then, on the night I was supposed to be visiting, she reacted to my double checking the time as though I was a burden, a pain in my wanting to visit. She went to bed with the guy on that same night and didn't even let me know not to come.
She then asked me to bring her things from home on the next day and proceeded to more or less ignore me, with the exception of the odd cuddle, teary expression, to text her friends and this guy. She obsessively checked her phone throughout the night and even sent a message as we broke up.
Now, if we generously assume that her not texting me initially/not telling me certain things was due to simple cowardice, and her over-expression of emotion was due to immaturity (her being 20), can the rest of her behaviours be considered cold/selfish/inconsiderate towards my feelings?
It's tearing me apart to know that she doesn't think of me, doens't care and how rapidly it happened. It's torture to think of her with someone else, showing them the affection she used to show me and not even giving a damn...