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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I went to stay with my dad and his girlfriend and her daughter

Resolved Question:

Hi I went to stay with my dad and his girlfriend and her daughter . After 1 week it transpires she likes me and we got on great I've been staying there for the last 2 months and we started building up the friendship slowly and slept together a few times and we was there for support each other and we started doing things together like swimming going to restaurants and pubs to which I'm 44 and it's the first time I've ever had a social life thanks to her as it's only been her that's got me out. We bother suffer from depression and panic attacks and she helps me and me helps her. Well over the last 2 months I've been staying there and getting to know her she's told me things and told me not to say anything to my dad. But because my dad knows her as she lives there for last 2 years I thought I'd confide in my dad and tell him about us as I couldn't go to her mum as she was scared her mum wouldn't be happy about us both. But we would only be step siblings if they got married which is legal. But the other her mum questioned her daughter about me and her and all her mum told her things was what I had spoke to my dad about in confidence and she feels she can't trust me now and said we can only be friends rather than build it up slowly as bf and gf. She said we can only be friends but just before she found out I'd broke her trust I told her I had booked a table for dinner on valentines day but tonight she said we can still go but as friends and carry on swimming going to pubs and restaurants. Do you think she has said only friends to give her space and so she's in control if she wants more and do you think by her saying we can still do the same things that she's going to enjoy my company still and change her mind eventually many thanks mark
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Hi,
Thanks for your question. Yes, I think by her still wanting to enjoy the same things together with you shows that she enjoys being with you and your company. I do believe that in time she can change her mind from just friends and go back to how things were and even better. I think she is saying this because she is hurt and unsure if she can trust you. This does not mean her feelings for you have changed.
I do not think it is a control issue nor due to her wanting space since she has agreed to still go places with you.
It seems to be that the only reason you told your Dad is because you are close to him and wanted to confide. In time she may see this in a more positive light rather than breaking her trust. I would continue to enjoy being with her and not worry so much of the fact that she just wants to be friends because I think naturally things will fall into place. However, at the right time after giving her a little time and when you both are ready I would discuss with her about why you told your Dad. Explain how you never meant to break her trust. You would never go telling friends or etc your private business with her, but since your Dad is special you felt you could confide in him. Also, because eventually you wanted your Dad to be a positive part in your relationship with her. I would explain these being the the reasons you told him if you feel that way of course. I would still apologize and let her know that despite all of that you should have discussed your intentions to tell your Dad with her first. I would also express how much she means to you.
In anycase I believe that by spending more quality time together the trust will build again and a very good change as I said above that she will change her mind.
I wish you all the best and if I can be of further help please let me know.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi I am going to give you the highest score but just before I do I forgot to mention that my dad said in the past she has made spare of the moment decisions and then regretted the decision after with her past boyfriends but they've gone then too late. And also she actually said that out of all her past guys I was the one that she totally trusted and felt special with and safe with and cared for and I feel I was her right guy and her me as she was good for getting me out and just so right for one another. I'm texting her now and she said be nice too get my friend back again you'll always be my friend she just said I so hope she will change her mind
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Thank you and thanks for giving that extra information. It seems that she may have learned from her past and this is the reason that she decided to not cut you off completely, but rather remain friends and continue to want to do things together that you both enjoy. I believe she just feels betrayed and worried based on her past experiences especially since she felt safe with you. I think you are off to a good start and highly believe she will change her mind. All the best and thank you for the positive rating.