I did reply but it appears to have disappeared, sorry if you get this twice.
I'm sorry if I offended you, however I did not find the advice to not think about the girl when I am very concerned he still loves her impractical and unrealistic.
Also, as I said I have asked him to meet me and he said no so the advice to talk face to face instead of texting him doesn't feel like an option. And I hate the thought of doing nothing.
You have not offended me at all. My goal is to support you. I am sorry if my thoughts werent clear...i too dont think it is realistic not to think of her, but what I was suggesting is that when you do connect with him, when he agrees to it that the focus be on the two of you. Based on what you told me, i did not hear that he wanted to be with her. Sounds like he needs some time to figure thimgs for himself. I would suggest then if text is the only way to let him know as you have how you love him and how you desire to reconnect and will do what is necessary. He has told you he loves you so try and rely on that. Time, if you can give it, will reveal how it will go. I just didnt want so much power given to this other person. I do think he will come around amd be open to talki g of it all. Can you wait in that space of not knowing?
When he starts ignoring me I ask him if he's with her and he doesn't answer... I've asked him repeatedly to tell me he loves me and not her or tell me if he wants to be with her and he just says they aren't going to get back together.... I just want him to reassure me but he won't, surely that means he doesn't want me?
I am in agreement with you that his ignoring of you is not the right way to handle it and not carimg of your feelings.You meed that reassurance becuase he has hurt and betrayed you, and very painful that he wont give it. I would hate for you to run from the relationship because you love him, but it comes down to what you can tolerate. You have asked him point blank questions and he doesnt respond. I dont want you running quickly from this...i would suggest giving a bit more time for him to come around and express how he feels. My gut says that he still wants you, but may just need some time...not easy for you
There seems to be some technical glitches and a lot of my responses are disappearing. I am sorry about that and trying to get it all to you.
He didn't admit to me the previous 2 times he got with someone else. I'm now freaking out he might have blocked me. I can see his photo still but whatsapp says he hasn't been on since last night. Is my best option really to wait to see if he contacts me?
If he is blocking you then it would seem clear that he is making a statement. I cant tell you to walk away, unless you are ready to do so. If it were me or if you and I were in face to face therapy I would really focus on what you need to vare for yourself and if leaving helps you to feel best then that is the choice. He has been dishonest before and if history is your guide then it seems likely he will be again. I might give it a day or so more and if no reaponse then you have your answer.
Vicky,I wanted to add some additional thoughts....there is no right or wrong answer here or no right or wrong way to proceed. I know you are in pain and frustrated and frustrated with me too, but the right answer is what feels best for you. If I told you leave it all behind right now as he has lied in the past and he is a bad guy, that does not allow for the feelings of yours to come up and be your guide and nor do I think it would be helpful. On the other side, if I say, wait it out and that is too uncomfortable for you then my telling you to do something is certainly not helpful.
That is why I keep saying to you to figure out what you can tolerate...wait or leave it all now. If it were me....and I was in your situation, I would give it a few more days...I would not text him or try to contact him....If he comes back around I would suggest again to meet...if he doesn't contact in a few days or refuses to meet, then the answer for me would be clear and I would walk away and begin my healing process.How does that feel for you?
That is what I will try to do. Thank you