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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Please help ! i started seeing a local girl that i had met

Customer Question

Please help ! i started seeing a local girl that i had met on facebook in october and straight away we hit it off when i was with her it was great we was very intimate and had chemistry, but she told me how her ex left her when she was pregnant and denied the child being his she has a 4 month old baby you see. Anyway i was seeing her most weekends for 5 or 6 week and she even told me how attracted to me she was and how she really liked me however at the time i was drinking and partying alot when i wasnt with her and this scared her away she said that she didnt think she could tame me and that she wanted to concentrate on her baby, however she did say who knows in the future if you sort yourself out ( stop partying and learn to settle down and get a job etc. ) there could be another chance, because she knows deep down im better than that, i was really kicking myself about this and realised i had made a big mistake with her it made me really wake up and now ive stopped drinking and im trying my best to get back into work. This is where it gets tricky because she finished me just before xmas and i wished her happy new year but no reply. Ive tried messaging her on facebook saying how much i regret messing up with her and also that im always here for her but still no reply and i know she reads my messages because facebook tells me, i liked a few of her posts and pics on facebook and now she has unfriended me but not blocked me if she thought i was being stalkerish and freaking her out with texts im sure she would of blocked me so i can no longer message her. On my last text i said how sorry i was if ive scared her away because she thinks im being obsessive and i dont want her to think like that of me i also said that im always there for her and i hope someday we can rebuild bridges, i fear now because of how she ignores me that she hates me and ive totally scared her away but then again im sure she would of blocked me, im not being stalkerish or creepy or anything i just really like and care about the girl and to be honest i miss her shes made me want to better myself, but i just feel so bad about this now and i dont know really whats going on her head and its driving me nuts. Please can you give me some professional advice on this because i dont know quite what to do, i want to try and repair this situation.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like this girl already gave you an idea of what she is looking for in a relationship. She said that she is looking for someone who can show stability, responsibility and who is not out partying. It also sounds like she is concerned about her child and providing a stable life for her child, since she mentioned that the father of the child abandoned her and the child. So she might be fearful of getting involved with someone who is not responsible and who will not care for her and her child and possibly leave her and her child alone again.
Because she is telling you what she wants in a relationship, you can use this to help get her back. The idea is to prove that you are that person she is seeking. So instead of contacting her solely just to try to get her back, see if you want to stop partying and do things to show her that you want to be what she is looking for. Once you can do that, contact her and let her know that you have a job for example, or that you are no longer going out and partying. When she hears that, it's likely she will be interested in you again. Just be sure to truly change your ways. If not, she might leave again.
I hope this has helped you,
Kate
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I just feel like i may have pushed her away too far because i sent her messages when she unfriended me and she completely ignored them but she hasent blocked me, ive stopped texting her now though because i dont want to seem like im mithering her. Im hoping time will heal the negativity between us and in the meantime im gonna concentrate on myself and also i need to respect her feelings if she wants to concentrate on her baby.

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
That sounds like a good plan! The more you allow her some space, the more she may consider talking with you again.
My best to both of you,
Kate

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