I guess the answer is yes, partly because of the children and partly because I believe that if my husband did start to work again most of the negative behaviour would remedy itself.
I don't think I mentioned it before but he spends nearly 90% of his time on a laptop listening to audio about self belief and other philosophical material. I feel hopeless as he doesn't want to commuicate about anything work related and if i do try to leave a few chores to do during the day, has started to ignore that too..
, does that mean that I have no rights with regard to expecting my husband to support the children financially? Thanks
So he can choose not to contribute financially to the upbringing of the children as well as do nothing to support paying the mortgage and bills etc. whilst I work? Surely there must be something I can do? Not to mention the physcological strain that I am constatly under...please help
okay, thanks help.
Jen, apologies response. I do not work on Fridays and as you can probably guess, when at home I don't get a second to myself.
You are right, I think at this moment in time I feel that I have little choice but to try and get my husband back to 'normal', although as tme progresses, things seem to be getting worse..
At first (in second year of being at home), he was trying to set up a business of his own but things did not work out. Lat year, I had a friend whose husband was trying to get him involved in some work but then had to relocate so nothing came of this either. This last year and at present my husnand has shown no signs of even wanting to find work and I am certain he has gotten 'comfortable' being at home and having no financial responsibility since things are ticking along with me working. Sadly, he has become slack in helping with chores too so I am cooing dinners, washing clothes, sorting kids school things etc.
Our relationship has suffered and we barely talk - the reason I feel trapped is because if I forced him to leave I have no family that would be able to step in to help and I do need it as chillden are still young and need childcare before and after school. He does take them to any activities they might have after school.
He is occupying his time by looking at football coaching skills of the day on his laptop as my son does training on saturdays - I have been tempted to stop this activity but then my son will be upset - I feel very helpless and don't know what to do.
Jen, thanks advice. I see the point you're making about praising him but recently he seems to be losing his temper very quicjkly with the children to the point that I am getting occasional phone calls from my daughter at home when he has upset them by shouting at them vs being calm and cooperative.
I know some of this stems from arguments that we used to suppress until the children were not around but they know how unhappy mummy is and that mum and dad aren't getting on.
I am convinced that his behaviour stems from some of the side effects of taking the anti depressants, which brings me to my other question...
Surely being at home with no responsibilitie sindicated taht he has little stress in his life and should be coming off these pills? I have been toying with the idea of visiting the doctor to ask why he is still being prescribed them three years now as it seems that he is over dependant on them to function day?
Also, there is a little bit of spite towards me as I have asked him nicely to do things but the response is that he will do things when he chooses and not when I say...
Thank you. I will definitely make an appointment with the doctor. Do you recommend that I discuss how things are at home and his behaviour?
Yes, I would certainly give the doctor the full picture. They need to know it all so that they can properly assess him and make medications based on all of it. you also need that support because you are dealing with so much.I am glad you have reached out here. You can come to me anytime that you need more support. i am here. If you don't need me any further at this time, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my support and work. You can ask again by putting Jen only at the start of any question. I am here to help you.Jen
Thank you so much Jen. I have kept going and tried to be strong, secretly hoping everything would return to how it was when he was working, but I realise that this isn't the case and needs to be tackled in steps. So hard to deal with as I really supported him when he was being made redundant at work and now it seems it's all been thrown back in my face. I do also feel very lonely as there has been no physical aspect to our relationship three years now. The sheer exhaustion of working and keeping the house/ kids running has allowed me to block this from my mind.
I will follow your advice and am happy to leave a rating.
Many thanks, Trusha.
I feel that you are going through and how hard you are working to keep it all together and yes you are suffering greatly. As best you can, do not lose yourself in this process. Carve out what you can ..I know that sounds ludicrous with how busy you are, but when you can find a moment....take it and just take care of you.And you are so correct...it all needs to be handled in steps....tackle what you can. first step is getting him back to the doctor. Next step...care ! And along the way? I am here to support.