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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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what do I do.how do I deal with this type of situation?i have

Resolved Question:

what do I do.how do I deal with this type of situation?i have borrowed a friend 300 pounds and I have asked money back.she gave me eighty today and then asked of it back.i gave it to her and when she asked ten of it back she said no.i feel fed up of her because she is always asking me and doesn't seem that bothered about paying it back.i,m not sure about her atall.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
,
I would like to help. I am sorry about the situation you are in. Did you both talk about any repayment time frames? Did she give you an idea on when she would be able to pay you back?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes she said I will have the money back within the next four weeks.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

no she does not tell me and I have borrowed her money before

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
When she borrowed money in the past did she pay you back? Are you happy with the friendship besides the money issue?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

when she borrowed money in the past she hasn't paid it back twice but once she did.she lies sometimes but apart from that I am happy with the friendship.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Thanks . It is difficult when there is a close friendship and one tries to help the other financially, but then the other does not appreciate. It has been very nice of you to help her. It seems besides this you both have a good friendship. She may be so comfortable with you and this is the reason she is not putting importance on paying you back. She feels as if you are there when she needs. That is okay, but there is a limit to this because when that limit is crossed one starts taking advantage and not appreciating the other. There is a fine line between feeling comfortable and not appreciating. Sometimes people do not even realize what's happening. I would have a nice heart to heart talk with her letting her know how much you value the friendship and do not want money to come between you both. However, let her know how you feel when she does not pay you back and acts as if she does not care. Try not to blame or judge because this will cause her to become upset and defensive not solving anything. Rather get her view and feelings about it while also expressing yours and have a discussion together on how this can be resolved in order to avoid strain on the relationship. Depending on the outcome you may then understand her take. She may change and appreciate as well as either pay you back, explain why she has not, or at least show more effort and understand your part. From there you would need to make a decision if you want to avoid lending her money all together to avoid these issues or apply some limitations.
I hope this was helpful and please let me know if I can be of further help.
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