How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Eveningstargazer Your Own Question

Eveningstargazer
Eveningstargazer, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 155
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
25605833
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Eveningstargazer is online now

my fiancée and I have been together nearly 4 years we have

Resolved Question:

my fiancée and I have been together nearly 4 years we have a beautiful baby daughter together recently last few months since our daughters been born he always keep making sexual comments about other women and saying how hot they are and how he would have sex with them I was wondering why is it is it because he's not intrested or bothered withe anymore since our daughters been born or is it because he's got the earge of cheating on me. Many thanks amy please please please could you help me my confidence are slowly breaking with him,
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Eveningstargazer replied 2 years ago.
Eveningstargazer :

Good evening, I will be doing my best to assist you this evening

Eveningstargazer :

!

Customer: my fiancée and I have been together nearly 4 years we have a beautiful baby daughter together recently last few months since our daughters been born he always keep making sexual comments about other women and saying how hot they are and how he would have sex with them I was wondering why is it is it because he's not intrested or bothered withe anymore since our daughters been born or is it because he's got the earge of cheating on me. Many thanks amy please please please could you help me my confidence are slowly breaking with him,
Eveningstargazer :

I have a few questions first, when you discuss your concerns with him as you mentioned in the "already tried" how do you respond after he says he loves you and would disrespect you

Customer: I ask him why don't he respect me and he says because all women are the same? and I ask him in a calm way
Eveningstargazer :

What is your immediate reaction when he makes the sexual comments?

Customer: I respond as though he don't mean it he tells me he loves me all the time but I don't actually know of he does
Eveningstargazer :

Beyond these comments, how is the rest of your relationship?

Customer: I automatically think he's cheating on me because on some occausion he's said to me he's go out and kiss another women
Eveningstargazer :

You reference him as your fiancee, what kinds of conversations do you have about potentially getting married?

Customer: We was pretty good at first before our daughter was born and since she's been born he calls me names, swears at me, disrespects me, calls me fat and says we're over all the time it's gone pretty bad since our daughters been born
Customer: He's asked me to marry him and we've talked about a wedding but he hardly listens to me
Eveningstargazer :

Ok, thank you these. So let me make sure I understand you correctly. The two of you have been together sometime and have overall had a positive relationship. It seems that since your gave birth he has done a lot to make you feel unimportant and to get his point across that he is disinterested. This is not unusual who struggle to accept the new responsibilities of being a father. Typically this is rooted in their own insecurities regarding feelings of failure, basically, that they will be an awful father.

Eveningstargazer :

The first step will be to have an honest conversation about where your relationship is headed, and the role that trust plays in your future. You say that you are able to remain calm, even when he is upsetting you, so this will be an essential skill during these conversations. If history is any indication, he will react negatively. However, if you are able to remain calm and he senses that you are not attacking him, he will be more open to the conversation

Customer: Ok thank you so what does that mean does it mean he's gone off me since our daughters been born he says he hasn't but clearly he's changed since she's been born he don't listen to me or ask me how I feel on a generally day and he accuses me of sleeping with my yonger brother who's 14 :( I feel really sick to my stomach is he capable of cheating
Expert:  Eveningstargazer replied 2 years ago.

Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

The first step will be to have an honest conversation about where your relationship is headed, and the role that trust plays in your future. You say that you are able to remain calm, even when he is upsetting you, so this will be an essential skill during these conversations. If history is any indication, he will react negatively. However, if you are able to remain calm and he senses that you are not attacking him, he will be more open to the conversation

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So does it mean he's not intrested in me anymore since our daughters been born and does it mean he's capable of Cheating on me
Expert:  Eveningstargazer replied 2 years ago.
It could mean either, but more than likely it means that he is fearful and trying to give himself mental options. This does not mean that he will actually act on these. He may also be testing how far he can push you to see if the relationship will work.
This doesn't mean it is ok that he is doing these things, but it gives a little context.
If you have an honest conversation about your future and the role these statements play in it, he may give you more of a look into why he is saying these things.
Think of it like this: a bully bullies because they are so scared that someone will make fun of them, they have to make fun of everyone else first so that people are afraid to say anything to them.
This is along the lines of what your fiancee is doing, not right, but hopefully seeing it this way will help you see that it has little to nothing to do with you/your appearance/ or who you are, and more to do with his own fears and insecurities.
Eveningstargazer, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 155
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
Eveningstargazer and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Eveningstargazer replied 2 years ago.
Is there any further assistance I can provide? I would love to accept my answer and rate as positive, so if there is anything else I can do, please let me know

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Previous | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    210
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
  • http://ww2.justanswer.co.uk/uploads/RU/Russ0114/2011-12-25_215431_IMG0623.64x64.JPG MrsRuss0114's Avatar

    MrsRuss0114

    LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    154
    B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions