How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5785
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
54658078
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistMaryAnn is online now

everyone me and my ex had a fight couple weeks ago my ex

Customer Question

Hi everyone me and my ex had a fight couple weeks ago my ex told me I was not his first love when he said I was but he says its all in my head now he also said he has too much going on in his life for a relationship but says he doesn't do jelausey he also said he likes me but it won't work so have to be friends with benefits can anyone help me out did he really mean that or is it just fear or anger he also said he loves our cuddles but he won't commit too much going on in his life and says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone and he doesn't love anyone but he was getting angry I just feel he was just covering up his feelings can anyone answer this thank you
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
It sounds like your ex has a lot of relationship and/or emotional issues and does not necessarily feel this way because of your relationship together. He mentions in many ways that what he is feeling is a global feeling- in other words, he feels this way about any relationship, not just you.
When someone expresses global feelings about relationships and sets unreasonable rules (such as I want to be friends with benefits only) and does not give you any input, it usually indicates that person has issues. He may be afraid, which is common in relationships since many people grow up with either abusive parents or parents who argued or divorced. They see that a lot of pain goes on between two people who are supposed to be committed to each other and they become fearful of commitment.
He may also have anger issues as well. Giving you demands about your relationship and setting unreasonable boundaries can be a sign that he handles his anger poorly. He may also be emotionally abusive.
Since he does not appear to want to allow you to have input in your relationship with him, you may have to decide if this is something you want to comply with or if moving on and finding a more stable relationship is better for you. If you feel conflicted, therapy can help a lot in finding out what direction you want to take and helping you protect yourself in case your ex has serious emotional issues and you decide to try to make your relationship work.
I hope this has helped you,
Kate
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5785
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Kate I still think he has strong feelings for me

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
You're welcome!
He may very well have strong feelings for you. If that is the case, then it may help in getting him to deal with whatever his causing him to act this way. Suggest therapy for both of you or even just for him. He needs to deal with these issues before you can have a stable relationship.
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Kate I still think he has strong feelings for me the problem is he works on his own so hardly has free time but when he texts me he acts like we are in a relationship its really difficult its like he won't commit because he is always working but I understand its not easy working on your own I thought it might be that he is scares because loveing someone is a big thing

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
It sounds like he has commitment issues. In that case, he needs to address what is causing him to feel this way. Otherwise, this will continue to be an issue for him no matter what relationship he is in. It may be hard to point that out to him, but unless he does see it as an issue, he will continue to keep a distance and offer excuses for why he cannot commit.
Kate
If you feel your original question and related follow ups have been answered, I'd appreciate a positive rating on the answers I have provided. Thanks so much!
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
This resource may help:
Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (And Finding the Courage to Love
by ***** ***** and Julia Sokol
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

May I ask your opinion its the bit where he said its all in my head that I wasn't his first love but he did say that to me but deniying it bu . To say its all in my head is quite painful thing to say to be honest I think it sounds like he was just saying that to get a reaction but I may be wrong but iknow I was his first

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Sure, no problem.
He was most likely just trying to get a reaction or to put a good distance between you both so he could be sure there was a barrier between you and he would not have to worry about commitment. The more reassurance he has that you won't try to be close, the less his anxiety.
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you I suffer from autism anxiety so I'm glad you have helped me

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
You are very welcome! Anytime!
My best to you,
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Another question I forgot to ask is he said to me when I was getting jelaus with him he told me he doesn't do jelausey has too much going on in his life but to me that sounds like he is jelaus too can I please ask your opinion on this Kate and thanks again for helping me understand this situation

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
It is possible he is jealous but without talking to him directly it is very hard to tell. Either way, as I said before, he appears to have issues with commitment and to resolve those issues, he needs to realize he has a problem and get help to work through it.
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thanks Kate its what I thought he sounded jelaus and got quite verbal and angry with me its really difficult to deal with

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
You're welcome! Take care.
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you Kate you to thanks again

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
My best to you!
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Kate again sorry to keep asking you all these questions I spoke to my ex yesterday and when I got upset at him cuz I got jelaus he said I ain't going to lie but I have been sleeping around but again I think thats him trying to get a reaction from me because I keep pushing for more when he says too much going on in his life think its his way of being in control of the situation I had a panic attack today over it iknow he cares about me but can't understand why acting this way can you give me your opinion I strongly feel he is getting reaction from me because it wasn't going the way he wanted it to again can I have your opinion in why he behaving this way be much appricieated

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, it's good to hear from you. I'm happy to answer any follow up questions you may have that pertain to your original question at the time you originally asked it. However, this is a new question requiring a different answer. Just Answer prefers that you open a new question page for new questions since you cannot pay more than once per question. This ensures that you get the best possible answers to your questions and that the expert providing your answers is paid for their time and expertise.
Also, when you do open a new question, you also need to rate your answers so the experts helping you can be paid for their work
Thanks so much!
Kate

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Previous | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    210
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RU/Russ0114/2011-12-25_215431_IMG0623.64x64.JPG MrsRuss0114's Avatar

    MrsRuss0114

    LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    154
    B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions