I have been married to a cheating partner for 10 years. We have 3 children together and he does not want to face responsibilities such as working and assisting me to pay bills. I have aired my mind to him but he keeps saying his focus is to construct his house abroad hence he is not assisting me. He is very good at sharing money whenever he travels to Africa but can never think of giving me whenever he has. He always complains about our sex life in fact all he cares about is good sex but not immediate family responsibility. He says he loves me then tells other women the same thing via watsup, Facebook e.t.c. He stays away all night especially weekends and returns home very late around 2 to 4 am and 90% of the time doesn't bother to tell me where he went when asked. I do know from phone conversations with friends he goes clubbing. He says he wants to renew vow but I refused knowing fully well he will not change for me or I change for him. He actually told a girl this afternoon he admires her 'butts' and would like to go in ( she is in Africa).Please, is there a solution to this problem? Thanks.
Hi! I see that your question has been waiting for a while with no expert answering you until I logged on. I think the reason for this is because there is no good, easy, happy answer for you. But you seem like a very nice person and I will answer because you deserve to get an answer even if it is a difficult situation.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly, as I said, a nice person and very responsible. And your husband takes advantage of this.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. He is giving himself the right to just be a playboy and seek pleasure as his only purpose because he relies on you to take care of the home and children. So he exempts himself.
Your question is if there is a solution to this problem. By solution, it seems you mean: can he change? Of course, every human being can change. The question is: will it be likely that he will change?
You yourself in your question have related that he has no interest in changing and this is the only way that a person will change: if he has the desire and motivation within himself to change. And he has shown the opposite: he is very stubbornly staying with the priorities he has made for himself: his own pleasure.
What will it take for him to change? This is unknown. If you were to take drastic action such as threaten to leave him, would that make him change? It might for a certain amount of time. The pattern of most men who seek only their own pleasure is that they will make a show of changing to keep their wives staying in the marriage but slowly will go back to their pleasure seeking. So, really, this is the situation: he has signaled to you many times that his own pleasure is all he cares about.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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Dear Dr Mark, I really appreciate your reply. In fact, the answer you gave me seemed as if you knew me and my problems too well. I would like to ask you for your help. I just discovered a heartbreaking act from my husband and I would appreciate your help.
I am very upset, confused and would like some form of help to conquer this emotion. It is very lengthy story but I would like to hear from you to know if you can. Once again, thank you.
Dear Dr Mark,
thanks for your reply. I have just downloaded Skype. If that is Ok by your we can communicate through it. My Skype name is ***** ***** once again.
Okay, I'll send the additional services form to you again.Dr. Mark