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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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relationship commitment

Customer Question

I'm having commitment issues with my ex few weeks back we had argument he said its all in my head that I was his first love and some other guy was his first and not me but I think he was just trying to get a reaction then I kept trying to push him he kept saying too much going on in his life to commit and when I got jelaus he said im not going to lie he had been sleeping around and said he doesn't do jelausey but he was getting annoyed with me I need some help on this one and your opinions but I do think he is just trying to get reaction from me because he isn't ready to commit he did say I was his first love but when we had that fight he said was all in my head he never said that but he actually did I just feel he is trying to get reactions from me so opinions please I'll be so grateful as I've had severe anxiety problems thank you he also said he can't give me what I want too much going on in his life so maybe I should move on but the way he was acting was like he isn't over me and was saying all this stuff to me to get a reaction because it wasn't going the way he hopes to be hope you agree with me on this one hope to hear from soon thank you for reading this sorry it isn't clear iam autistic so its difficult to type things clearly but hope this text helps anyway hope to hear soon thank you

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You suffer from anxiety and he is not very clear and he keeps changing his story.But one thing seems consistent and that is that he is not ready for a commitment. And it sounds as though you very much would like him to make a commitment to a relationship with you.

So, he indeed may be trying to get a reaction from you. But this question of commitment is there even though he is trying to get a reaction from you. And since he is not ready to make a commitment, you need to decide if you want to wait for him to become ready. Because he may be trying to get a reaction from you since he's not ready to make a commitment at this time.

Therefore, take some time to think if you want to wait for him to decide if he wants to make a commitment or not. If you do want to wait, then keep on trying with him.

Okay, I wish you the very best!


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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you mark for you comment I agree I think there is some sort of reaction going on there thank you for helping

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

He did say he likes me but won't work cuz he has too much going on with work so wanted to be mate s benefits but I didn't want that and thats where I think he started trying to get reactions from me because it wasn't going way he wanted it to I understand working on your own takes a lot of your time so could see his point but him making reactions won't help situation it was like he cares then doesn't but deep down I think he hurting too but hiding it explains why he tried getting reactions from me

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Also can I ask is this actually true the longer it takes for your ex to get in touch again shows that they care more and see you as more as a friend took him 15 month to finnaly meet up again after a bad breakup but unfortunately we had that fight I still believe he was trying to get reactions from me because wasn't going the way he wanted it to what do you think

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
Hi. It is very difficult to try to predict an ex's intentions based on the length of time before he reconnects. It is a very individual matter and I've seen no evidence in the psychological research of any conclusions that can be drawn about this for ex's in general from the length of time before reconnecting.

First, I am very pleased that you were strong and told him that you are not interested in being mates with benefits. Good for you: that is not what you want and you stood up for yourself. This is very important. So that's great.

I think that you have to take him at his word. He is interested in mates with benefits and not in commitment. Is he looking for a reaction from you? Perhaps, but that does not mean that he isn't also looking for the benefits of the mates with benefits. Because he's not ready to commit.

So, stay true to your principles and all the best to you!

Dr. Mark
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thanks for responding I just put it all down to making a reaction and also he wanted the friends benefits because he said wouldn't work but work out and could be affraid would go wrong again he was saying have I got some cuddles for him calling me pet name like were in relationship like he loves me may I ask what you mean he only interested in friends with benifits and he said he doesn't do jelausey either can't work his issue out what did u mean about the mates with mates benefit part may I ask

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
I was merely referring to friends with benefit using the term you used in your posting of 13/02. No difference.

All the best to you,

Dr. Mark
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Ok thanks I agree with you too thanks for commenting take take kare

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
All the best!