I am having trouble finding a girlfriend, i have only dated back at University and have been working for several years. I get really shy and nervous around women and do not want to be lonely for the rest of my life. I have great male friends but want a girlfriend and do not want to use online dating or something embarrassing as this. Can you please give me some tips on how i may improve my chances of finding a girlfriend that is right for me?
Thank you for coming back to me.
You are right i have been studying part time at University on some advanced degrees such as the Masters and growing my career. However to have not dated a girl for several years is worrying, however i am pleased at my progression in my career.
I get alot of people staring at me when i am in public places, they do generally smile and say hello. I am not a bad looking person, i guess i just look like your average 23 year old guy, fairly slim and quite tall. However just been out in the public makes me anxious, when other people stare at me for several seconds.
I think the fear of approaching a girl i like is enough to make me anxious. I have the fear of rejection and embarrassment, i think if a women is that attractive i worry the conversation make be awkward and not flow as i had liked. Although when speaking with my male friends i can have very fluent conversions no problem. I think the issue is when the hormones are going, my throat goes dry and i suddenly start getting nervous and i worry that i cannot approach an attractive girl anymore.
For online dating i feel it is embarrassing as if i do manage to meet a girl they may wonder why i could not meet a girl in real life. Meeting someone online is not manly and i feel this is embarrassing and the girl may think so as well.
I would prefer a long term girlfriend, not a relationship that is not going to work for instance a girl from a bar and other stereotypical pick up locations. I am a business person and would prefer to meet a girl at maybe a business event something which i would have in common and be happy to talk about. I do not really have that many hobbies, what kind of other social events could you suggest that may be beneficial?
Do you not feel bars and other pickup locations are just as good as social events. Why do you feel going to a social event would be better for a long term relationship?
I have reviewed your social anxiety skills, but i still feel this is very hard to overcome. To go from someone who is shy, to someone who is not anxious in public i do not feel these skills will help. I know everybody is different but is there any possible tools to be confident in society. How can i just go about my day where i do not become anxious and being out in the open is a comfortable experience? Where i can meet attractive women and talk to them without worry and have things in place naturally.
I think the talking to an attractive women and having the fear of maybe going red in the face or breaking up the conversation through anxiety is a major worry. I know what you are trying to say, should i never speak to an attractive women again, just because of fear. So are you saying i should just go for it, as we are only here once and we should try things we are afraid of as i might regret not doing it later? I think that is the message you are trying to convey to me.
So if i do use online dating and the women asks why did you use online dating, do you think the idea of meeting women that i might not have had access before is a viable response? Do you feel online dating can work with someone with the same interests or generally is this a a very poor way of meeting women? Will you be viewed with less respect for meeting women with online dating or is this still worth a shot?
Going to social events i feel is the right way forward. However how can it be less awkward if there is a women i like, how can i start a conversation off? These are the things that make me anxious and obviously i start to lose confidence?
Do you feel that a bar could be a viable option, if i chatted with the women first to see if we had things in common. Obviously social events are better for long term relationships like you have said.