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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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i have been seeing this guy months and i am extremely

Resolved Question:

i have been seeing this guy for 2 months and i am extremely happy with him. at the beginning of our relationship he told me he was engaged before and i didn't mind as i admired his honesty.
i didn't tell my parents because our relationship was not serious at the moment. we went out on a date and he said he wants our mums to start talking and i agreed, my mum rang his mum and was not happy hearing of his broken engagement. she has told me to end it with him and i have been very depressed about it. my father is on my side and said i should follow my heart as he is an honest guy for telling you the truth in the first place. i am torn between my mum and the man i am growing to love. he to me is the best thing that could happen to me and even he has been upset about this.
My mum is just worried on what others will say but every time i mention him my mum just gets angry and i cant speak to her.
I don't know what to do and am feeling very depressed.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
You didn't say how old you are, but if you are over 18, then it is ok to continue with this relationship as you want to. While your mother's feelings are valid, her concerns are most likely based on fears she has about you getting hurt in the relationship and possibly about other personal issues or beliefs she has from her own past. It is not unusual for parents to put their own fears and doubts on their children. And often, these fears and doubts are based on their own issues, not the current issue with their child.
It is very unlikely that your boyfriend would want your mothers talking to each other if there was anything he was hiding. Nor would he want this if he had any intention of hurting you. That is not to say that it is a guarantee that your relationship will work out, but his behavior indicates that he desires a strong connection with you and your family. That is a good sign.
It is also very possible that your boyfriend's engagement was ended by his fiancee and therefore against his wishes. That would not be his fault and may even indicate that he takes commitment very seriously. It would help to clarify the situation around his engagement ending so you can explain it to your mother if it is in your boyfriend's favor.
Even if you choose to stay with your boyfriend against your mother's wishes, make sure to respect her feelings. If possible, talk to her about how she feels. Explain that you care very much for her opinion and you respect her. See if she will talk about why she is so fearful of you being with your boyfriend. Encourage her to explain where her fears come from, so you can understand her and be able to comfort her when she gets upset. Also, ask your father's help in dealing with your mother's concerns. He may know more about why she is upset about your relationship and be able to help you calm her and connect with her.
Finally, remember that you have to follow your dreams. If you feel that this relationship is right for you, then do what you can for your mother, but also do what you need to do to be happy. In the end, you don't want to give up a dream and regret it. But you also want to try to maintain a relationship with your mother, so balance is needed. If your mother is willing, try to get her to try therapy with you. It may be that talking this all out with a therapist who is neutral about it could help a lot.
I hope this has helped you,
Kate
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