Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.Thanks for providing all of the details. I am sorry you have both gone through a difficult time but it is a time for opportunity. I am not hearing that you enjoyed or encouraged this attention and I clearly hear how it was uncomfortable for you and you did not know exactly how to push it away since it was a new experience. I also hear how hurt your wife was and is...so now both of you need to come back together on this and remind each other of the stability of your love and your marriage and how someone elses behavior cannot have such an impact on your current happiness.I hear that you are continuing to talk about things but feel at a dead end. I believe that your wife needs her feelings validated in order for her to move on. She needs to know that oyu can see and udnerstand her feelings and that is never your desire for her to feel hurt or ignored and how sorry you do feel that she even had that for a moment. If you enjoyed this attention at all, then you must look at that and see how you might have left your wife feeling alone. I think it will really come down to you taking the ownership and understanding position of how she felt and how certainly that was not your attention and if that type of situation were to happen again you would be more ready to handle it. Acknoweldge that you didn't handle it well...that is okay...you are human, this was new for both of you. Then reaffirm your feelings for your wife and let her know how you care and are sad and sorry for her hurt feelings.It can feel scary to see your loved one get that kind of attention from another...it shakes the internal foundation and can cause some insecurity. so get back in there and reassure and love..shore her up with love and care and empathy.It may take some time for her to feel some security but in time and with your openness it can happen.