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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Every time I go to any sort of social event I end up having

Customer Question

Every time I go to any sort of social event I end up having a sleepless night afterwards and going over and over what I said, what I did etc. etc. - a bit like a post mortem. I've always been shy since being a child but it seems to be getting worse and it's all the more difficult to deal with as my husband is a very sociable person. Having said that, he's being extremely understanding. I just hate feeling like this but don't know what to do as I don't have an "understanding" GP. I've considered going to a psychotherapist but there seem to be so many out there that I don't know how to find the right one.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
Thanks for your question and I understand what you are going through. It may be that you are an introvert. I would ask yourself if you enjoy being social, small talk, and being outgoing. If you do not care for those types of situations and prefer to be on the quiet side there is nothing wrong with that. You do not need to try to be someone you are not, but rather can embrace who you are. You may be the type that is comfortable after getting to know someone. This is actually a good things because these types of people usually have more satisfying relationships rather than many superficial. Now if you would like to be more comfortable in situations and not feel the need to play it over in your mind I would suggest you let go of your expectations that you may be putting on yourself. You do not need to be the social butterfly even if your husband tends to be. There is no right or wrong way to behave. Try to be yourself and have a good time rather than feeling as if you need to live up to certain expectations. We never say things perfectly and no one does. Things may go wrong and that is ok. Try to learn from situations rather than worry about being perfect. It may be difficult to find a good therapist. It may take a few visits until you find one that you feel comfortable with. You can also look at ratings and reviews on them to help with your search. Therapy with the right therapist can help you look into this in a deeper fashion and you can either overcome this, learn to embrace it, or a little bit of both depending on you and your entire situation.
I wish you the very best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

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