How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question
Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now

So my ex and I were together months.During this time,

Customer Question

So my ex and I were together for 6 months.
During this time, I spent a huge amount of time with her family and we went on an incredible holiday. She would say things like 'you're my soulmate', 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you', 'I can see our lives together'. She also wrote this in her diary according to her sister. So I feel that she must have believed it at the time.
Anyway, we agreed to try and make our relaitonship work at university (4 hours apart). After a week of separation, she stopped texting me. After 2 weeks I decided to visit. On the night that we had organised, I sent a last minute confirmation text before leaving on the long drive. She cancelled. I agreed to come the next day and to bring her things from her house, which I retrieved from her family.
When I arrived the next day she greeted me with tears, although would not say why. We agreed to go to dinner. She spent almost the entire drive texting another guy. She then consistently looked at her phone and messaged him during the meal. She even told him that our conversation was forced.
She continued to text him on the journey home so when we arrived I asked her what was going on. she told me, almost dispassionately, that she had gone home with this guy on the phone the night before, and had slept in his bed, although denied anything had happened. At the very least, I suspect she kissed him and considering the fact that she cheated on her ex, I don't have much faith in her excuses.
She even checked her messages and sent a message to this other guy whilst we were breaking up. What I believe is that she genuinely felt strong emotions, mostly lust, for me and believed everything that she was saying at the time, although fluctated between caring a great deal and not caring so much.
When she got to university, our connection broke down due to lack of commonality and she found someone more compatible. I still can't understand how it happened so quickly as, although they have more in common, I don't think he's any better looking.
My question is, should I feel aggrieved by her behaviour? Should I look at this as the behaviour of someone I would not want to end up spending my life with?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your question. When a relationship first starts it is new and exciting. You want to spent your time with the person getting to know them. You both created this special connection and she knew that you are her soulmate. When people have a long distance relationship things change. The reason is because the person that was there almost every day is now 4 hours away. But that does not mean this relationship will not work. You just want to be there more and let her know that the distance will not come between you and her. Right now she is just confused about moving away and meeting new people. It does not mean that she doesn't want to spend her life with you. She is just struggling with change. The most important thing for you to do right now is to make sure that she knows you are there for her. There are so many ways today to communicate. You could write her a letter something she can read when she's having a confusing day. You can have conversation through Skype. You can e-mail, send pictures of memories you shared. She's just experiencing a lot of emotions right now because of all this change in her life. But I feel you are the one that she will continue to have a relationship with because you will be the one that she realizes is there for her. Make it very clear that you are here for her. Talk about things and your future plans in life. She needs to be reassured that this relationship is very strong and that you love her. Thank you for your question.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your response. Whilst I appreciate the effort you have gone to, I don't feel that we have got to the issue I was asking about.

Would it be possible to open the question up to an alternative expert? Thanks again.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Yes, You can. You can ask your question again to get a second opinion.

Related Relationship Questions