I have been with my long term boyfriend for about 2 years. I know he can be a bit of of a flirt but i have generally tried to trust him. He does not have a lot of friends so i know he spends time online chatting to people. I have sometimes felt during the course of the relationship that he has been speaking to other women but i had no proof and i tried to trust him and never looked at his phone. Recently about two weeks ago we went away on a break and on the final day of the holiday, i went up to the hotel room and saw his phone on charge. i was tempted but resisted, but then i couldnt help it so i looed at the phone. I saw messages between him and a woman going back to about May. The recent messages from him to her told her that he was in the south of france with friends and that he was sat by the pool and that is where she came in and wished she was there. There were no other friends with us it was just me and him.He walked in on me and saw me on the phone and because I was hurt i had seen the messages i started shouting at him and asked him who she was. he said she was a friend and i had taken the messages out of context. he stayed really calm and just showed disapproval with me looking at his phone. he said that i was always trying to find proof that he was cheating. i asked him why he didnt tell her he was on holiday with me. he said that he is a private person and doesnt tell his friends. i told him that was rubbish. as we were due to leave that day the journey back wasnt very nice we were barely talking to each other. he asked me to get in the car with his parents as they were picking us up from the airport. I refused as i didnt want to be any where near him. he just walked off in a mood and no doubt told his parents what had happened and i havent heard from his mum who normally speaks to me. His mum knew that I had trust issues with him before and she wasnt happy with me anyway but was still talking to me. since getting back I have tried to talk to him but he says that he has nothing more to say to me about it. H e said it was none of my business who he spoke to on his phone as we were not married. I disagreed with this. I dont know whether he is still speaking to this woman or not. I have her number but have not contacted her as yet. I just need some advice as I want to try and salvage the relationship. we have been recently meeting and he says he wants to enjoy time with me again as he doesnt know who i am anymore and doesnt trust me. I should say that amongst all of this I am also going through a tough journey as my mum has cancer and this has taken its toll on me and all the family. I have let myself go to a certain extent - i have put on some weight since he first met me but i do try and make an effoirt when i see him but i know he is quite shallow like that and would like me to make more effort. the woman he has been talking to looks like a model. very pretty and thin and very tall. this has really affected my self esteem and my confidence. i cooked dinner for him ths week and it seemed to go well but he was making small digs at me about the meal. at the end of the night we kissed and went our separate ways. we have not slept toegther since the incident and he seems to be keeping his distance and i am not sure whether that it because of the woman or because he just doesnt want to be with me. I have suggested meeting after work and he keeps saying he will see what time he finishes his swim. I appreciate he has recently started a new job and it is his second week but we always use to see each other often during the week. it is difficult to give you as much detail as possible as there are so many issues in our relationship but i do want to try and salvage it. Thank you helen
Thank you so much Kate for your answer which is very helpful. I just wanted to ask you a couple of things.
Do you think I should contact the woman and ask her what is going on?
To be fairish to him he hasnt given me reason to suspect he is cheating and maybe its his way that he isnt too affectionate. how should i approach him if i want to try and salvage the relationship. should i give him space?