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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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This must be around the fourth time I have discussed

Customer Question

Hello
This must be around the fourth time I have discussed this situation with you guys, but yet again I am in a mess with it.
All I am really after is some reassurance of my position please, as I am sure my self-esteem must be at rock bottom and I am clinging on to the last few strands of dignity that I have.
For a long time I liked a man who is quite a bit older than me. 20 years. I fancied him for ages and nobody else could understand why, because he is quite short and not physically attractive, but I just thought he was a lovely, kind person. I met him through work.
Eventually after flirting on text etc for a long while we met up with each other a couple of times and had a few kisses - and we had an arrangement to meet for coffee again on the 23rd June.
But in the meantime I had a really nasty fall down steps and have been off work for over 4 weeks. What looked like just a scrape turned septic and I have been quite poorly with it, ending up in casualty 3 times.
I informed this gentleman by text of my accident and at first he checked up on me. But that was on the 9th June and I heard nothing at all from him after that, other than when he replied to me on 15th June saying he had had a chest infection that he had treated with alcohol... I was really disappointed and I don't think that the hurt I felt has eased my recovery.
It is now the 9th July and he sent the following message yesterday after being a little prompted:
Hi Zoe so sorry that you are still suffering after your falls in TT week ­čśó­čśó I hope you are not in too much discomfort and you will soon be on the mend properly. Really sorry I have not been in touch Xx
Overnight I thought about this and at lunchtime today, sent the following message back:
Hello stranger,
Well yes - after being let down for a second time, I just took the hint! There is only so much one-sided effort one can put in to any friendship particularly when I could have used the support. Never mind - I gave it a shot! ­čöź See ya!
When I say it is the "second time" - after we'd met up the first ever time and had (what I thought had been) a super night together, he totally disappeared for 5 days and I was heartbroken.
Since I sent my reply 4 hours ago, I haven't heard back from him and I am upset. Why, I have no idea. Have I done the wrong thing? Why did I write that? I liked him so much, so maybe I should have written a nicer reply. But I was so hurt by the way he'd casually tossed me aside and ignored me, not even acting like a friend.
Kind regards
Zoe
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. The last text you sent him was probably a little more sharp than you should have sent, mostly because of the issue of interpretation of text messages in general. In this age, when people communicate through text and email or any electronic means instead of on the phone or in person, a lot of messages get misunderstood and generally taken to the extreme of meaning. Keep in mind, men are different than women and especially when it comes to communication, are not the best! He did message you and apologize or not being in touch and gave you a reason. While you have frustrations on his lack of follow up and attention, perhaps waiting until you both saw each other again would have been the better way to have expressed your feelings on the matter. Regardless....whats done is done. What I would do, is wait a day for him to reply. He might not reply because your text could be interpreted as a good bye.."Never-mind, I gave it a shot, see ya". He might see that as you not wanting him to reply to you or see you again. After a day, message or better yet call him and see if he wants to go for that coffee. When you get him face to face, ask him straight out if he is interested in taking your friendship to the next level or if he is happy just being friends. You will get your answer, you will get it in person and there will be little room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation. It's worth another shot to at least get the info you need from him and his feelings. Even if it isn't the answer you want, you will know one way or the other.

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