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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5802
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I broke up with my ex 1 and a half month ago she said I was

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I broke up with my ex 1 and a half month ago she said I was being to possessive and that she couldn't take it no more she's 18 and am 21 she broke up with me and said live your life and then come back to me I have worked on myself making my life better and have made changes for the better. I have tried to contact her twice with a 3 day gap notthing to much just to see how she was doing the second contact she said she was to bussy and we'll talk another day or somthing!! Don't know what to do I need help !
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. It sounds like there could be two things going on here. One is that your girlfriend does not feel ready for a relationship and is saying you are too possessive in order to back off from the relationship. Two, it is possible that she felt you were too possessive and that it pushed away her feelings for you. Either way, you can still work on getting her back. The most important factor in getting her back is addressing her reason for leaving. If you truly feel she left because you were too possessive, then you need to address this issue. And the best way to prove to her that you are doing that is therapy. Even if it's short term, your willingness to try shows your girlfriend that you heard what she told you and that you care for her, enough to do something about what she said. Also, it might be helpful if you listen to her and back off some. Not all the way, but try to not contact her directly for a while. However, that does not mean you stop trying. If you have the same friends, try communicating through them. Let your friends know you still care and hope she is ok. Let them pass the messages along if they want to but keep it to once in a while, not daily or weekly. Also, wait a few weeks then send her a short and thoughtful text. You can also send her a card or another small token of your affection, something friendly and that conveys you care. And it keeps her thinking of you.Given time, your girlfriend should respond to you. Even if you have to settle for a friendship for now, that is a good start. Once you have been together in the past romantically, it is difficult for a friendship to stay a friendship. It is more likely that she will see the changes in you and want to be with you again.I hope this has helped you,Kate May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for the advice Kate just a quick follow up how am I mean to show her that I am working on everything she has said she is good friends with my sister so I think I'll pass the message on like you have suggested through her I plan on sending her a card in a few weeks just to let her know I still care for her. We have had around a month of no contact would this affect her that I didn't contact her for that month. And the therapy could you elaborate on it please
Thanks
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! If you go to therapy, which is counseling with a mental health therapist, you can let your sister know as you mentioned. Your sister may be able to tell your ex for you. Or you may mention that you are going to therapy to your ex when you are in contact with her again, such as through a short letter or card you send her. Either way, your ex will know and may consider therapy a good sign. To find a therapist, talk to your doctor. Or depending on what type of health insurance or coverage you have, you may be able to contact your health insurer and they could provide a referral. I hope this helps to answer your question,Kate
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5802
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Kate ino you have allready sent me a reply but I feel like I have to notify you of certain things that happened during the relationship that I have not allready wrote about.We were friends for around 8 months where she told me she was in love with me and I told her that I was not. Given time I fell for her and we had a good relationship. then Things at her house were not going so good her sister ran away and used to make her feel insecure when she did talk to her. We argued allot and couldn't see common ground she said to me that she couldn't love me as she couldn't love herself. I tried to be their for her but every time I did it just pushed her away. We ware planning on getting married in the near future. She then one day said that I was being to possessive and that we should take things slow. I tried but found it hard as she didn't communicate with me. Then she said that I was still to posseive and that she couldn't have a future with me and that I made it easy for her not to love me. We broke up didn't talk for a month I went on holiday I came back spoke to her but kept it small and simple just to see how she was doing and then ended the convo with am going out with some friends talk soon then two days later tried to contact her again but then she said she was to bussy and we'll talk another day or somthing. I honestly don't know if I should carry on trying that I really would like to do or if she's moved on and don't want anything to do with me.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 1 year ago.

You can still try with her if you feel there is a chance left of being together. The benefit in trying is that if you do have to move on, you will know you did what you could to make it work. If she continues to reject you, then moving on is a viable option. But until you feel you have done all you can, then you may always question your decision to move on. But if you feel you have tried everything and she is still avoiding any contact, then you may have to move on now.

 

Kate

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