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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3253
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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There, So getting right in to it, i have been dating

Resolved Question:

Hi there,
So getting right in to it, i have been dating my girlfriend for about 2.5 years and it is amazing. We are dealing with long distance but we are use to it and make it work well! I am about to go and see her for Christmas and very much looking forward to it. BUT!!!! about a year and a half ago whilst i was living in London (at this point i had not seen her for about 6 months, i guess i didn't really know where we stood, my feelings for her weren't as strong then as they are now anyway) i stupidly kissed another girl one evening, nothing more than that, but only recently it has been causing me guilt and im really not sure if to tell her or not. I love my gf a lot and i know i want to be with her long term. But i know this would cause great hurt. I have spoken with family members and they have said that i should forget about it and just concentrate on our relationship as of now. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. Kind Regards
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for being so open about things. I can hear how much you care about her and it sounds like telling her at this point could do more harm than good. I am not about keeping secrets, but I do think you can move on from this space. I don't hear a pattern of behavior that suggests you would be unfaithful to her and you were testing the waters out there as you were unsure of your feelings. So the question for you is....can you let it be part of the past and move forward or is your guilt intense enough that you feel telling her about this kiss, would ease it for you? By telling her will you lose her? Again, I am not about secrets, but I don't hear that this has been some major fling that needs to be thrown out there.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I do believe you can move on from this without hurting yourself or the relationship.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks very much for your response, i guess by telling her i would be guilt free but i know i would hurt her and i dont want that either.. Its just how i deal with what i did, to some people its not a big deal but im not the type of person to do that. I think i would loose her, she is a good 7 yrs older than me, established and dosent have time for things like that. I guess wheres the line of infidelity and telling and not?many thnks
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Excellent questions and I think it shows how thoughtful you are. If she was aware back then that you were struggling around connecting with her then she might be able to understand it. There is no clear line around infidelity, at least in my opinion. You have to go with what you feel about it. I hear a man that will not feel comfortable if he keeps it quiet. I worry you will lose her, but I also hear that you may not be able to let it be a part of your past. If she was aware and you were taking some time to figure it all out, then she might handle it okay. sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. I hear a thoughtful man and I believe you will have guilt if you tell and also if you don't tell. Let's give yourself a bit of slack here. You weren't feeling connected and you were testing the waters. This is part of life and growing...you need to go a bit easier on yourself.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for the response. So you feel i should just let it go? i know in the end it comes down to me but my family also think i should just keep it in the past.Regards
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I think you are being hard on yourself....there is no right or wrong answer here..it is a judgment call on your part and how you feel you can be okay with it. Sit with it for a bit using your gut and your family's feedback to proceed with what feels most comfortable for you. I think it is part of the past and in a time when you were unsure....be gentler with yourself and move forward.I am here to support you if you need me again...if all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. I thank you in advance.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Teddie, please take a moment to offer the rating...I am not credited for my time with you without a rating.
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3253
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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