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DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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I've been with my boyfriend months now, and

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I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, and his dream is to become a pilot. He father passed away when he was young and his mother and sister have played a big part of his life. They are both very controlling and he often lies to them about where he is just to see me. They know about me and they see me as a distraction for his piloting. Yesterday on Christmas Day he left my house with my presents and his mother was upset about how serious she thought we were getting, so she told him that she wouldn't help fund for his piloting if he was still with me. He ended it with me and he's told me that he has to end it and I can wait for him, but who's to say his mother will approve then? Why should I wait for him if we aren't together? What should I do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I'm Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication professor/researcher and relationship expert. I am so sorry you are being faced with this right now. And I'm sorry for your boyfriend's dilemma with his sister and mother. The fact that he has to lie to them about being with you has been difficult enough, I'm sure. But being forced to choose between a life dream being financially aided and you is not fair to either one of you. It sounds like two things are going on with the mother. One possibility is that she really does believe that anyone would be a distraction for her son and she truly wants him to focus and succeed. Because of his father's death, she may be overboard but at least sincere in thinking she is doing the right thing. Note, I'm not approving of this--if this is the case, she is wrong in attempting to control her son's life. But it may be that she FEELS she is doing right by her son. And if this is the case, it may be that over time they will relax once he is further into the program and doing well with his studies. Another possibility is that she has no "good" intention at all--she feels the need to control her son for some reason. Maybe the death of his father is related to this need for control, or maybe she has other emotional issues. If the first possibility is true, like I said, it's possible that over time she will change. However, there is going to have to be counseling or therapy involved because people are very resistant to change. In fact, it rarely happens in situations like these unless there is a therapy intervention. I know he says that you can wait for him, but do you know what he is really feeling/thinking? While of course we know that his mother SHOULD NOT have acted this way, she has. And even though we can agree that this is completely unethical behavior on her part, she does seem to hold finances over his head. Unless your boyfriend can get out from under her control, the mother is going to continue to be an issue for the two of you. Unless you are absolutely sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you need to think about this mother control factor. As long as his mother controls purse strings, he needs to really think about My recommendation is to sit and talk with him about these points. Even if nothing changes relationship-wise, I think you owe it to yourself to tell him how you really feel about all of this if you didn't get all of it out yesterday. I'm guessing it was a shock and therefore maybe didn't process everything right then. And I'm not suggesting that being deceitful is a good solution, but maybe seeing each other "quietly" without his mom and sister knowing might be an answer. At least continue communicating and spending some time with him to decide if you do have a future or not might be a possibility while he is focusing on school. What do you think? If my answers are not really what you were looking for, please let me know. I'll gladly talk on the phone or Skype too if that is better for you. I'll send you my contact information so that you will have it. Please let me know how you would like to continue. --Dr. Jackie
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
Hi, If this advice was not helpful, please give me the opportunity to review your concerns and perhaps suggest an alternative? My wish is for you to have a high level of satisfaction and work through this process. Thank you! Take care,--Dr. Jackie
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
DrJackiePhD and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Please may I speak to you. I have a few more questions to ask
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My ex boyfriend is messing me around, he's saying that he wants space to focus on himself and lose weight, then he says he thought it was getting too serious and said his mother the next day was ok with the situation. He asked me to meet him the other day and said he wanted my to be his girlfriend, he got a hotel and then we chatted for hours and he said that he still wanted space. Then we've been messaging and he says he doesn't mind me talking to him then he says he wants space. I deleted him from my contacts and social media then he tries to add him again and I leave him a message saying I'm giving you space and he gets angry at me for deleting him. I said I can have you on social media if I want to talk to you and I want to give you space so I have to block you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He tries to add me **
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
I can call you in a few minutes. Is that good or is another time good?
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
Can you send me a text(###) ###-#### ***** now or other times to talk? Thanks! --Dr. Jackie
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Please can you call me now ***********
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I've not received a call please may I get a refund?
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry--I sent a text message to that number asking if you could please confirm that this is your number. I did not hear back. Can you talk this evening?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes I can talk now! I didn't get a message from any number
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry I was not available last evening at 6 but was later. I like to set up appointments by text(###) ###-#### ***** it is much easier to access texts on my phone. I am available until about 6 p.m. tonight and then again most of the afternoon tomorrow. Can you please text? I can give you extra time with no charge for the inconvenience. Thank you and Happy New Year!

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