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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2909
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I have been dating my girlfriend year now she recently

Customer Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now she recently came back from Jamaica whiles she was there she cheated on me with a 20yr old hotel staff boy and my girlfriend is 42.she got back she started calling me names saying it was over between us that we should just be friends I asked her what happened she refused to tell me all she said was that I lie to much and I have drained her financially as well as emotionally but I didn't remember any of that happening so I pleaded and pleaded but she but she finally came round but would not allow me touch her so I came round her flat yesterday night cause she was depressed she went off to bed and I slept in the sofa I picked up her phone to charge and decided to look in it but in it but to my greatest surprise she locked her phone what she has never done before so I guessed her pass word and got in and I read all her conversation with the boy immediately I now saw reason why she behaved like that to me and I truly love her so much am willing to forgive her but she is suffering from depression at the moment never seen her like this and it's just getting me confused what step should I take on her when she wakes up? Cause she is difficult at times when she is angry and I know she would find out that I went through her phone and might cause a heavy argument migth lead to me even loosing getting through her what I approach should I present thanks
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I am so sorry to hear of this pain for you. Sounds like she needed some attention while away and is sorting through some stuff and her depression. I would speak to her when things feel quiet and calm and let her know how you love her and how you want to work on things and that she can be open and honest with you about anything and that you will love her no matter what. She might not like that you went through her phone, but I think honesty is the best to get you through this rough space. You can let her know that you were at your wits end and desperate to know what was going on for her. Let her know you are willing to work through all the hard stuff and get back to a place of love.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have tried to make her see reasons like you said but all she would say is nothing went wrong that the young man is just a friend now she has stopped sending me text messages like she normally do and wouldn't let me come round anymore and I asked to let me know when she wakes up but she said no with a loud voice and hanged up on me I don't know what else to do I have been in relationships before that ended well without me feeling this way this one is like a cannon ball straight to my heart this feeling is very depressing I don't know to do
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I don't believe I suggested you "try to make her see reasons." I did, however suggest you talk to her with understanding and love so that you can move forward and get back to a place of love. Clearly she is going through some things and needs some time and space and each time you reach out, she meets you with anger. I would take a step back and let things be for a bit. If she is not texting, then she wants this time and space. You may not get the closure you desire like you have in other relationships and if that is the case, you will find a way to heal and move forward.I appreciate a rating of my work so that we may continue. Thanks in advance for a positive rating.
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2909
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
i did as you said we spoke and she still maintains it she never cheated on me and she started complaining that am poor in sex to her and my dick is not big enough and all sorts and then later says that when she is ready she is going to get a sex partner that me and her are just friends and then go on to say she is so depressed i dont know if she really means what she says or thats part of her depression what should i do
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I think giving her some time and space is the way to go here. Let her know you love and care for her, and are there to support her and get her the help she needs to work through her depression, but in the meantime, it is time to take a break. I know it is hard for you, but this does not sound like it will go anywhere in the direction you want it...being together in a mutual and loving relationship.
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I received an email from JUST ANSWER that you wanted a live phone call. Is that accurate? I believe TherapistJen has said she is not set up for phone calls at this time, but I definitely do not want to overstep boundary lines and intrude on your expert-customer interactions. Please let me know if this is the case and you still would like a phone call from me. Just FYI, I’m Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication researcher/professor and relationship expert. I will send you my contact information here shortly.
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.
My cell is(###) ###-####and my Skype ID is relationship911. You can text either for an appointment.

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