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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3529
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Never a straightforward answer to this I know, but after 9

Resolved Question:

Never a straightforward answer to this I know, but after 9 years of an exciting demanding and at times very challenging relationship, I finally decided to leave in July last year. I just couldn't cope with the arguments and the sometimes turbulent and unpredictable nature of the relationship and thought it was the right thing to do - she wasn't happy either. But the last six months have been hell. I know one goes through all sorts of stages after a break up - but mine have kept her in my head all the time and I miss her and everything we had together. I have to live in a different place too - some 50 miles from where I have lived all my life. Just recently I have seen her again- and we both agreed that the spark was very much still there for both of us. Although extremely difficult (both sets of friends and families have taken the brunt of our angst/hurt and would be dead against any reconciliation) we have agreed to keep our meet up secret and take one day at a time. I am 58 and have had chance to see that in many ways I was not behaving in a way that helped my partner or the relationship. I accept these faults to a degree. Is there any hope for us to get back together while balancing the impact amongst friends/family. She has got her life back on track - and mine has slipped off the radar. Thanks Steve
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Hi Steve, I do believe one can find their way back to a relationship after a break up. Families can be tough because they witnessed the pain and anguish you both went through, but in the end, it is the two of you and only you that get to decide what is right for you. I am glad you are going to counseling to look at things within yourself. As you stated, taking things slowly is the way to go. Rehashing things isn't always helpful as you end up bumping into the same things. Start with a fresh perspective and an open mind. Take responsibility where you need to and keep the communication going every step of the way. there is no way to predict how it will all go, but following your heart and caring for one another in the process of reconnecting is the way to go. Be open with each other about what you want, how things are feeling as that will be most helpful. I hope you find happiness together. communication always!
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