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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3527
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I believe I have relationship ocd. I began getting doubting

Customer Question

I believe I have relationship ocd.
I began getting doubting thoughts about my partner as the infatuation phase ended (after a few months). I was so confused why I was thinking these thoughts and they hurt so badly. These thoughts would get stronger and more painful until I would be crying in my room, sweating in a mind overflowing with worry. I was fearful of being with the wrong person and having to break her heart so badly. At these points of intense worry I'd be googling so much stuff online about relationships until I came to something that cheered me up and the fear would evaporate and I'd just cry in relief. Then a week later or less the process would begin again.
The thoughts began with random problems - annoying laugh, lack of 'love feeling', little over weight, etc. Then several months later they concentrated on her lack of intelligence. It seemed to be the only problem with her and for one day I was fine with her being less intelligent than me - at this point my mind instantly started on the next doubts (weight, laugh, social, etc).
I mind begins calm, then gets tiny bad thoughts about how shes not good enough, then these thoughts gradually get worse over a week or two or three. Then they peak and I get really upset and close to ending the relationship. I google things to help and eventually they make the fear evaporate again. then the process continues.
Does this seem like rocd?
I keep thinking what if its not rocd, what if im just with the wrong person. I kind of hope its not rocd - just so I have a chance of finding someone else and being happy.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
While I cannot diagnose that online, I can say that the symptoms you experience could be that of rocd or they could be a normal response to feeling like she is not the one for you. Often it is hard to tease out and see if it is really rocd or just that you feel like you should be into her more and you just are not and plagued with intense feelings of guilt around it. It sounds to me like you are just a bit unsure and all of the qualities you mention that concern you speak to how you feel about the fit between the two of you. I haven't heard you say, I love this girl, I am so attracted to her, she is smart, fun, funny, etc. and you can't understand why these thoughts are coming up. So, it is quite possible that she just may not be the one. If you have the ability to meet with a therapist face to face to tease it out a bit deeper then that might be helpful and if it seems like rocd is what is happening, then it can be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
For the first few months of the relationship everything was great - She's beautiful, she treated (and still treats me) like gold, I found her so easy to talk to and we did everything together - we spent most of the day together, 7 days a week.I think what started the doubts was when I was deciding what house to live in next year (i'm a university student). I was offered to live with my girlfriend and some other friends. At this point my mind started 'making sure' mel was the right one for me. My feelings at that time were based around why the intense feeling of love was fading - this led to random silly thoughts which were based around my misunderstanding of what love actually is (not a feeling).These days, my thoughts are based around her intelligence and my doubts of if I even have rocd.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I get these bad thoughts or doubts regarding the relationship and whether she is 'good enough' several times are day, everyday. I sometimes don't get any for 3-4 days max but this is pretty rare.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I hear a young man that is in a serious relationship and wondering whether this is what you desire. If this plagues you then seeing someone to fully process it all could be helpful, but what you are saying to me is not that uncommon. If it feels truly uncomfortable for you then the best thing is to speak with someone and have that safe space to explore it all.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How would I go about talking to someone? GP and see where it goes from there?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I would ask your GP if they have someone they can recommend for you to see.