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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3239
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I have just recently been dealing with my first break up and

Customer Question

I have just recently been dealing with my first break up and I am extremely lost as to why I feel so guilty when I did absolutely nothing wrong. I kept being patient, tolerant, and honest in this whole relationship and I don't feel with his response to me a few days ago. I need someone to listen to me and give me some advice as it would really help!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
(Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Break ups are very hard and there is no way to prepare for all of the feelings that come up. You are experiencing guilt now and it is normal to go through it all and wonder what could have been done differently. Two people are in the relationship and both contribute to the good stuff and both contribute to the issues. Going through your part in things is a good thing as it shows you are capable of emotions and empathy. Allow yourself to feel it all, remove blame from the other and yourself and each day will get easier and easier. The pain is real but it will get easier in time.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I just went back home for a really long time and before i reached home he kept telling me how he wanted to make things work when im back! He hasn't given me a real response as to why he avoided me for most of the time that i was there he didnt even meet up with me and he blew his last chance. I only ever was patient, and always made everything in our best interest! I had to say something after he gave me so much false hope and promises repeatedly over 4 years, he still hasn't learned his mistake! He said he still has feelings for me and i still have feelings for him why does it have to be this way? Why can't he just tell me what he really feels and wants!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Not sure why he has responded in the ways that he has but at this time the best thing is to give this space and see how it all plays out and gives you time to heal and look at whether this relationship filled what you were looking for as well. His desires and yours just may not have been in line with one another even if he said they were.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
does the live phone call take an extra 13 pounds?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
There is an extra charge, but at this time I am not able to provide calls outside the US.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ill stick to this then! on saturday i went out and drunk texted him asking if we could talk and he responded! I keep looking for an answer to why he behaved that way, but he won't tell me what happened! he said he doesn't know what happened and that he's sorry for everything, he also said that he knew he blew his last chance with me and that i deserve better! He says he has no explanation as to why he behaved that way!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
So he is being up front about it...he may not know why but things have changed for him. It is hard that you can't get the answer you want, but he has given the answer and that is that things have changed but he doesn't know why. Time to care for yourself and begin to move on.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I really think he should give me an explanation so I can be set free from all this pain! I imagined my whole life with him and I feel as if he's hiding something! This might be the reason why he never saw me! He told me the text I sent him was harsh, however I may have been angry when I wrote it but I had every right to be angry
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I know you think he should give you an explanation but that doesn't mean he shares that view and he has already given one...things have changed and he doesn't know why.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He has never been consistent with me! and all i sent him on the text was that he really shouldnt have treated me that way cause all i ever was looking forward to was being with him
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I hear your sadness and anger and it is all okay for you to feel as you do, but focus on you now even if you don't get the answers you desire.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't think thats true unfortunately! Because i'm quite frankly a mess! I did so much us for this relationship and my own mother has said that she can never accept him don't know why he's talking to me as if he's the victim just because of a text when clearly what he did to me was terrible! Didn't let me know where he disappeared to!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
You can't force him to give you the answers you want so then what?
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3239
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well then how can i be set free when he says he still has feelings for me it doesn't make sense
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Very hard...he may have feelings for you, but that may not be enough for him to desire to remain in the relationship. Confusing, but what I am thinking is that if you can give him a bit of space he may miss you and desire to reconnect, but don't bank on it. move forward for now.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi im back here sorry i got disconnected i think
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I'm with you. I think giving space is the right way to go...the friends thing is too soon and you will feel frustrated and angry. Heal, give him space and let it play out naturally.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So should i delete off my facebook and whatsapp for now and send him a message to give me space for some time?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
For me, it is the only way to begin to heal.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Nothing hurts more than the fact that I loved him for who he was his flaws and perfections! And he just ditched me silently and I kept making a fool of myself by continuing to call him! how can everything go so perfect for such a long time and then with no reason he disappears like a ghost! Because he has a military background dealing with his behaviour for four years is what i tolerated and it was an absolute waste of time he has shown how much he loves me and respects me and I just wish someone could fire some sense into him that what he did to me was so terrible!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
If he has the space he may come to his own realization, but it won't happen if you keep reaching out, texting and demanding answers.I am signing off for now but wish a peaceful afternoon and evening for you. Breathe and give it some time.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you so much you've really helped me realise a lot :)
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
My pleasure. You can do this!Be well.

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