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danj66
danj66, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 9
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology, I am also a trained therapist. I have experience in dealing with relationship issues.
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My gf broke up with me 2days ago.. she said reason is

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Hi.. my gf broke up with me 2days ago.. she said reason is cos she nt have same feelings for me.. but i think there more to it... our relationship bee good up2 bout 4 weeks ago.. we been talkin thro tx for past few days and now ahe saying that her hrad not in place to b qith someone.. and that she wasnt givin me time and attention she was cos her mins else where and she sayin that she feel very down and sad memotional and stressed.. at the moment she does have lot goin on in here life.. i live 4hrs away from her and she was saying that it makes her really sad the day in not there...im only ther 4day week...she also has epilepsy but has been inactive for bout 8 yrs.. but recentley she has had seizure which has landed her introuble with the police and she waiting to go to court..which is really stressing her out..and get her really down cos she waiting to go to hospital for test..she also single mother of 6yr old girl which she supports by herself and know this worring her too.. she said tat iv stared to annoy her by bein round her cos she wants to b b herself..she become withdrawn doesnt want to do anything or talk or see anyone... it made me feel unloved and unwanted wen i try talk to her bout it she snaps at me aayin leave me alone.. she con come home from work and just ait next to me ignoring the fact that im there and this never been like her.. she has had boubt of depression bout 5 yrs ago.. do you think she depressed and it causing all this
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  danj66 replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,Firstly, I'd just like to say it is obvious to me how much you love and care for this person. Often in these situations these feelings can cloud our judgement which can make it difficult for us to make decisions that normally we would find easy or straight forward. Therefore, I feel you have made a very sensible decisions by coming and asking a third party for help.Now, to answer your question: Depression could very well be the cause of your girlfriend acting like this. Depression by its very nature makes us want to isolate ourselves from others. It could be that you going to see her even only four times a week could have been grating on her, especially if the depression is making her feel like she just wants to be on her own.Is she depressed though? Well a change of behaviour is often a symptom of depression and as you said she has been acting quite differently to her usual self. Interestingly, epileptic fits can often act as a catalyst for bouts of depression. So if her depression happened before, during or up to a week after her epileptic fit then this could also have contributed to the depression. Problems with the police definitely won't be helping as I imagine she'll be frustrated because she'll be blaming herself, but at the same time feeling unfairly punished because realistically she can't help having an epileptic fit. From what you've said I would definitely say she has symptoms of depression, and if she isn't depressed then the weight on her shoulders must be unbearable regardless, having to singularly support a 6 yr old child while having all these problems.Which brings us to our next problem, what is the right thing to do next. As I stated you really care about this girl and clearly want to remain in a relationship with her. Whereas, whether it is down to depression or not, she has said that she doesn't have the same feeling for you anymore, she is also blaming herself saying her head isnt in the right place and she isn't giving you the time and attention you deserve. However, if it is the depression talking, then it is possible that she is just trying to "get rid" of you so she can wallow. However, it is also possible that she has so much going on in her life at the minute, and she may actually feel that you were adding to the work-load, rather than helping her deal with it (obviously I'm not in a position to say whether you were or not).So, here's what I would recommend you do. She is clearly asking for space, her method of saying "she wasn't giving you time and attention" is basically her way of saying she doesn't have time for you right now. Her method of saying "her head not in the right place" is basically her way of saying she doesn't want to be with anyone at the minute. However, the worst thing you can possibly do with a person suffering from depression is abandon them. Depression is like a muddy hill. The further down you go, the more dangerous it is, if you stand still then you'll still slide down the hill, just more slowly. The only way to get out is to fight the urge to be on your own, to resist the urge to stop doing things with friends, to fight the desire to be isolated and to make yourself get out there and be sociable, to do things with friends and family. Therefore, I would recommend you talk to her, tell her how you understand that she's going through so much at the minute, explain how much you care about her and explain that even though she may not want to be with you, you still want to help her get through this because you care about her, regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not.If she isn't already aware, then explain to her very delicately how you feel that she may be suffering from depression again (People rarely take this news well, but a person cannot fight depression until they are aware that they are suffering from it). Then, your next task is to get her out of her rut! Take her to some places that she enjoys, whether it be the park, the cinema, to the beach, anything to put a smile back on her face, even just for an hour or two. If she wants to do it with her child, then involve her child, if she doesn't (she may need a break like all good mothers do) then try and get a sitter for a few hours. The most important thing is to get her out and about, to get those constant issues and threats out of her mind for a few hours by replacing them with something enjoyable.I do hope after all of this your relationship continues, unfortunately I cannot predict that. But I do know that this is the best thing for the person you love, regardless of whether it saves yoru relationship or not.I hope I've done your question justice and I sincerely ***** ***** two do stay together, because she is lucky to have someone like you who loves her as much as you do.All the best.Dan
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thankyou for the advise very helpful.. i do love her alot ..i wood love to take her out but she wont let me go see her at the moment...she hasd her fit bout a week b4 she started behavin differently ... she still sayin tat she loves me.. but i would never abandon her even if we didn get back together told her i will always b here for her and i will go and see her whenever she wants
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Also told her that im not going anywhere and that i still wanna b with her
Expert:  danj66 replied 1 year ago.
That's fine, as long as she knows you're there that's the main thing. I'd give her a bit of space for a week or two, show her what life is like without you. Then just ring her or text her every now and again and see how she is doing.
Expert:  danj66 replied 1 year ago.
She's asked for space, and to not give her that would probably irritate her more. So all you can do is make sure she knows your there, and be there for her if and when she needs you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She is still text me all day now.. im tryin not to push her and not text her unless she texts me.. it is hard.. im tryin to keep the convo as light and humerous as possible.. but i do wanna tell her how much i love her and wanna b with her and tat i wont annoy her if she let me come see her.. but i dont k ow if it good idea
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Just wanna hold her.. cos i dont think ahe realised whats going on..i think iv realise cos i gone thro it
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Just dont know if im doin the right things cos i wood like to get back with her at some point
Expert:  danj66 replied 1 year ago.
That's a very good tactic, let her come to you and make the first move. I would suggest doing just that and only texting her if she texts you. I would even suggest not texting her back for a while when she does text you. It's a tricky situation, because you need/want to be there for her. But at the same time, you also need to show her all the good things she'll be missing out on if you stay split up, and it's hard to do that when you're so attentive to her needs. It really is a tricky situation.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Cos i live so far away from her i just dont want her to forget bout me and all good time and stuff we did together.. like she text me the morning after we split and she said that she been thinking bout wen we first me and way it was and how good it was... how mobody had time for her like i give her
Expert:  danj66 replied 1 year ago.
She won't forget, especially if she is reminiscing about it with you over text. Just keep showing her support and just make sure you are there if and when she needs you. I'm sure she will come round once she has had a short break.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I know i should take some comfort in the fact that she sayin her head isnt in the place to b with someone.. and that ahe hasnt been showin me affection cos her mind is else where.. that she think it for best for us to seperate.. but she also sayin that she feels very down and sad and stressed out and unhappy.. and i asked her otherday b4 we split.. if anything will make her happy cos she havent been she said nothing makes her happy right now..
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She also said that it for best cos she cant give me what i want rite now
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Is she going to come out of it by herself if im not there to take her out so she feels better bout things
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Last week i had b4 we split 2 days ago.. i had planed the whole weekend from thursday to sun day i even wrote it done for her thing to do just me and her things to do with me and her and her daugther i was basically taking her out all weekend and i asked her if she wanted to go and she just said ...no i dont
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok i just had strangest convo with her.. she text me.. she was tellin me that her sis book holiday and how much it was gunna cost..so i lighted heartedly said to her so it going to cost me small furtune to take u me and ur daughter there and she said yeah it will.. so start savin u might have enough money by time my child 18..lol
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thankyou for all ur help..