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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been living with my partner years - both still

Resolved Question:

I have been living with my partner for three years - both still married to our x's but my divorce is happening now.
my partner 'sen hs wife the divorce forms' about 3 months go -she said ok but couldn't find the Marriage Certificate - to which my partner told me - 'no problem - ca send forms off without'. Still no more progress - and it is driving me mad - why isn't he wanting to do the same as me if he is serious about us???
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 11 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. It is hard to say for sure the exact reason your partner is doing this without being able to talk to him directly, but there are three likely reasons. One, his wife is causing the issue here and he is fearful of forcing her to move forward. It could be that he doesn't want to cause waves in case she drags out the divorce or uses finances or children as a weapon against him. Two, it's also possible the issue is with him and he feels reluctant about the divorce. He may either still have feelings for her, or he feels guilty about making his divorce final. She could be saying something to him to make him feel bad, especially if children are involved, or she simply wants to punish him for leaving her. Three, there is truly an issue here with the paperwork. But if that were so, he need to make that clear for you and keep you informed each step of the way until it is resolved. He also should be telling you what he is doing to resolve the problems so the process does move along. Either way, it's a good idea to confront him with how you feel and get a direct explanation. If he refuses to give you one, you have a few choices. You can either live with this situation as is or give it a deadline. Tell him that if there is no progress by a certain date and there is no reasonable explanation as to why, then you will need to separate until he can decide what he wants to do. This may help him to see how serious you are about your relationship. At the very least, it will tell you a lot about how he truly feels. That helps you in the long run to know if this relationship is a solid one and if you can be happy with him in the future. I hope this has helped you,Kate May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
ok but I have another question
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 11 months ago.
It's fine to ask follow up questions about your answer. I'm here to help. Kate
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I moved into his house - willingly - but it's been increasingly feeling uncomfortable fo e - house is still full of his grown up kids things - and even things that she chose!
I have no security - if anything should happen to him - this all goes to his three children - I feel I am nothing but a lodger ( not paying anything though) -and I want things to change somehow - if he really is commited?!
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I would marry him - but don't think he feels the same- and why can't I be put on the mortgage?1 if he is really serious about me.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 11 months ago.
That is definitely a concern. It sounds like your relationship is mostly in his control. At this point, you need to decide what you want and then sit down with him and work it all out. You are seeing signs that he is not as committed to you and/or that he wants control, neither of which works out for you. If he won't agree to make changes, then tell him that you want to see a counselor together. A counselor can help him see the imbalance in your relationship and help you both come to a better agreement. You need to know you are valuable to your partner. But if he won't show that through his actions, this may not be a healthy relationship for you. Kate
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 11 months ago.
I haven't heard back from you and wanted to be sure you did not have any further questions or need clarification.
Thanks,
Kate
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5776
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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