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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2933
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I am 52 and living with my new partner. After about 2 months

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I am 52 and living with my new partner. After about 2 months I started to find him unattractive. He doesn't have good teeth, sniffs all the time, has mucous building at the back of his throat and has a fat neck. None of these things bothered me when we met but they came on months after we had started a committed relationship. We have moved in together and he is financially supporting me and my daughter. He is a really lovely, kind, honest and stable man. I like him a huge amount and we have fun. But I don't love him. I have had a rocky time of it with relationships, my last one ending very badly. I found it hard to find a good man and now I have finally found one. But when I look at him all I see is his bad points. I can't find him attractive any more evn though I try and try. Is there anything I can do?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.
Hi. sorry to hear of your struggle...you may love and admire all of his wonderful qualities but not feel physically attracted to him and that is why these things about his appearance and other things are unattractive to you. It may not change and then you will be left with a decision as to whether you can live with all of this. Sometimes the fit is right in many areas, but not in others. Not sure, if you feel like you can discuss this with him....in a way that is not hurtful but in a way of that there are things missing for you in the relationship and connection. that is up to you as to whether you want to do that or continue to live in this way with a loving man, but a man whom you have no passion for.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hi
I have tried telling him and tried to encourage him to make improvements and he is doing so slowly in some areas - teeth mainly, and seeing a personal trainer. But he has told me he thinks I am superficial to be so concerned about appearance. I do feel superficial. And I feel that going on at him about his appearance and clearly not being that attracted to him is verging on abusive. I just so want to find him attractive because I did at the beginning. Can it not come back once gone?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.
Often when we don't feel attracted to someone, we can feel that we are superficial, but chemistry and connection are a real thing and while you may have been attracted to him at the beginning when the excitement of something new is there, once it settled into a routine, the attraction waned. In my experience, if the attraction is not there, then it may not come back. Only you will know if you wait things out and see if things change for you.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.
Let me know how else I can support you. If all good for now please click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time. Thanks in advance.Jen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2933
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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