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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3499
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I've been in a friends with benefits situation with a housemate

Customer Question

I've been in a friends with benefits situation with a housemate over the last 5/6 months or so. At first it was only a night or two a week, but then developed into dinner dates, cinema dates, gift buying and staying together almost 5 nights a week. Recently I had a family member pass away and told him I needed a little space, which he seems to have taken very strangely. Since then he has been blowing hot and cold in his behaviour towards me, deliberately upsetting me and then taking steps to make amends.
I called him out on it and he admitted it, said he didn't want to hurt me and that the situation was hurting him to, but he doesn't know what he wants from his life. If he didn't feel anything towards me, surely the situation wouldn't be hurting him aswell ? We are having a chat about the whole situation tonight and I just don't know what to do...any kind of advice would be appreciated!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
thanks for being so open about your situation and I send condolences on the passing of your family member. It seems clear that he has developed stronger feelings for you even though it started out as casual friends with benefits. It seems now that he desires more and hasn't been able to articulate that but once you asked for space to have some healing time, it kicked these feelings up for him. I would figure out what you feel for him and want with him so that when you have the talk you an bring it all out in the open and be forthright about how you both feel and then you can decide together if this is something worth pursuing. I do hear a lot of caring feelings for the other, so sit with that, see how that feels for you and then be open with him and ask him to do the same. The hot and cold has been because he hasn't been able to be open about his feelings. Now is the chance for both of you.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Let me know your thoughts.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Let me know how else I can support you. If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. Thanks so much in advance.Jen
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. That is the only way we receive credit for our work. Thanks.