How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3387
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

There. Me and my ex split up 2 years ago. Lately we have

Resolved Question:

Hi there. Me and my ex split up 2 years ago. Lately we have been getting on well and I've devolped feelings for her again. I was out with my best friend on Friday and they stayed in the same hotel as us that night randomly. After the clubs had closed me and my mate who knew I had feelings for her went back to the hotel. I had still not told her about my feelings. We went to her room where she was with her sister. Somehow my mate and her ended in a bed together cuddled up but she had fallen asleep. Several hours later when I went to that room again my friend opened the door then went back into the bed where she then cuddled into him. I felt distraught and left. They've both said nothing happened and she is telling me she was so drunk even in the morning that she would have cuddled into anyone. Can this be possible? Should I believe them? Was my mate totally in the wrong? I've told her my feelings now and I'm afraid she don't feel the same. But I can't get the image of her cuddling into him out my head. We were together 7 years and have 2 girls together. I would certainly never share a bed with her best friend in spoon I have to much respect for the relationship we had. Please tel me she wasn't in the wrong...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
this sounds a bit messy and I believe it was your friend that made the poor decisions...your ex, says she was drunk and unaware and I believe her and she also didn't know at the time you had feelings for her again. I would let it go with her but your friend knew you had feelings and made some poor choices. He probably hasn't gotten in touch because he knows he was in the wrong. I would not hang on to any of this if you can and try and give some space and when things calm down, then I would reach out to her, and apologize for having intense reactions and let her know how you feel. She will either share those feelings or she won't, but there needs to be some time and space now for all to settle down.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks your help is much appreciated. I just want to let the feelings go away again if there is no hope. I honestly thought she felt the same about me but apparently not. She gave me so many signs before. I presume this is a normal thing for someone to do when they've had a few drinks?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
She may have given you those signals while she has been drinking and her guard was down. We can't rush the feelings away...it would be great if we could, but as you know it takes time. Give yourself that space to heal from it again and begin to live your life again. Not easy, I know.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
When she calms down from all of it, you may be able to sit and talk with her about all of the feelings, but in the meantime, try and give it all some time and space.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok thanks very much. One last thing I'd like to know. Do you believe even when it was in the morning and she began cuddling into him it was all innocent on her part? My heart breaks thinking maybe she wanted to be with him or that they even kissed in that time. She obviously denies it, and says it doesn't matter who it was she would have cuddled into them. I want to believe that.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
If this was after a night of drinking and she is still somewhat drunk, then sure she might cuddle up to the nearest person...but remember, you had not shared any of your feelings with her so even if she cuddled up without being drunk, we can't fault her for that. Your buddy could have had better judgment not to do that to his friend.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes I see what you're saying. I just feel even 10-15 years down the line id feel funny about being next to her friend in bed cuddling. I have so much respect for the relationship we had. Thanks though it's her I care about, for some reason I'm not even thinking about my friend. When the dust settles I probably will.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
I know and I am not defending her and it wasn't a great situation all around. As best you can give yourself time and it will settle back down.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
no matter whom it may have been, I believe it would be hard for you to see her cuddle with anyone based on the depth of your love and care.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Let me know how else I can support you. If all good for now, please take a moment to click in the rating tab to rate my support. Tahnks so much.
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, I am getting in touch as I am having a small issue here....I have given this girl time as you said and she now says her feelings for me are confusing...she also says she is very upset that she has made me upset. I have told her she doesn't have to be as she didn't know how I felt. But the thing in my mind now is she keeps saying sorry, so did more than a cuddle happen?? She says nothing else happened and I really want to believe that. But how can I be convinced?? I really want to be, then I can move on from all this. She said she is only guilty of making me hurt and what I seen was enough. Please help me believe her that nothing happened....
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Hi. She isn't guilty of anything no matter what may or may not have happened....you weren't together and she had no idea how you felt. Now that she does, she is processing it all and clearly having some feelings for you. This is the opportunity for you to possibly reconnect so to get stuck on this point will only hurt what you truly desire. She really doesn't owe you any explanation and if you keep pushing it and seeking it, she will move away from you . As I said before, if anyone is to blame here it is your friend. If you want to rekindle, then getting stuck on this does not help you. You can do this....breathe and move on from it.

Related Relationship Questions