How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2816
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

My partner and I had a difficult conversation last night about

Customer Question

My partner and I had a difficult conversation last night about how we feel about each other. He challenged me when I told him I loved him and asked "but do you?" I want to but he has been pretty emotionally cold for a long time. We discussed this and he told me that he'd felt numb for a long time, if he lost his job he wouldn't care, if me, his mum or sister weren't around anymore he would be fine, he just doesn't think anything would make him happy OR sad. How am I supposed to love someone who thinks like that? He's caring he's supportive and always there for me, but I don't feel loved. He said he's concerned about it, he knows he should feel something but he just doesn't, for anything!
He lost his father 7 years ago and he was the key person in his life, his go to for everything. I met him a couple of years after that and we bonded over talking about it as he confided in me about it. I was the first person he spoke to about his feelings but he's closed up again.
Is this grief? I don't know what to do...I can't lie I don't feel the same way about him. It's hard loving a stone. I want to help him I'm just trying to figure out if this is a fight I should see through or if it's time to cut my losses.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
He's also very critical of me, I know I'm not the most observant person and I miss things like mud on the carpet or i will not clean the skirting boards and he just feels like I am not trying. I think I am, I do what I can but for everything I do correctly he will only see the things I have done wrong. He sees this as me not trying or caring.He wants to feel loved but I'm struggling. I'm not a neat freak but I'm no slob either and I don't think that makes me a bad person. He just doesn't listen to my concerns instead he defends himself and if I do hit on something that he does wrong that he knows is wrong then he finds something I do to counter it. He doesn't say "sorry" he says it very rarely. It's so frustrating.He sounds a bit of a monster here, he's not malicious he is a good person just particular.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 8 months ago.
It sounds like he is dealing with some tough emotional stuff...it could be grief from the loss of his Dad, but without knowing if he was this way before his death, it is hard to know if it is only related to that. Unless he feels the need to go talk with someone to work through his feelings then it is quite possible that this is how it will be for both of you. It is hard to be with someone whom is closed off. If he is desirous of looking at things and working on them, then that would be great. If he doesn't then you might need to ask yourself if this is what you want moving forward.

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    389
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    209
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions