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Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I met a guy 2 months ago. We clicked straight away and got

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I met a guy 2 months ago. We clicked straight away and got on really well. He told me he really liked me and wanted a relationship in time but at present wanted to take things slowly. About 3 weeks into dating I lost my phone on a night out with him. The next morning I asked for his phone so I could ring the taxi we got home last night to see if they had my phone. He went back to sleep. I came across messages on his phone to other girls and one particular girl he had messaged saying that he really liked her only during that week. I was shocked but said nothing to him. A couple of more weeks had gone by. I kept looking at his phone unknown to him and he was still messaging these girls, some different and some the same. I still said nothing to him. He lives in a different city for 2 days every week due to work. A couple of weeks ago I was visiting this city with a friend for the weekend. I asked did he want to meet as there would be a few of us out and he agreed. It took him ages to come in as he lives outside the city. When he arrived I was kinda drunk. I lost it with him. I think it was a combination of a new contraceptive I was trying that gave me mood swings coupled with drink and that I knew he was texting other girls. I asked him was seeing other girls and he denied it. I told him i knew he was and he said the only way id know that was if i was looking at his phone. I said to him whats on your phone. He didnt answer and i didnt ask again i was quite drunk at this stage. We had been texting the following couple of days, when the weekend came he arranged to meet me but cancelled due to work. He stopped texting me from then on. He was replying to my texts and rang me one night to explain why he wasn't contacting me. He said he doesn't do drama and couldn't get over how angry I was that night but he said everything was fine. He didn't contact me anymore. I texted him last night and asked could he take a call from me and he said he could but then he started ignoring my calls and texts. I still really like him. Even though he was texting other girls I do think he really liked me. He kept saying he wanted to take it slow and he hadnt been in a relationship in a couple of years. I don't think we have given it enough of a chance. Do you think we have a chance or should I walk away? What do you think of the situation?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 1 year ago.
Well, there are a few complicated things going on here...it sounds like he may have been a bit dishonest at the beginning. While he wasn't lying, per se, he was lying by omission (not telling you he was still seeing other women). While he didn't say that you were in a committed relationship, he didn't say that you weren't. This is a shaky way to start things off. Despite the fact that he hadn't been in a relationship in a while, it doesn't mean that his behavior was justified.That said, you crossed a line with him by looking at his phone multiple times. This is a breach of privacy and I'm concerned that it may have permanently damaged any burgeoning trust that could've been there. Such a serious breach right at the beginning of a new relationship puts everything on shaky ground as well. So, it sounds like some fairly grave errors were made on both sides that don't bode well for a continued relationship together. You will likely never completely trust that he isn't seeing other women, and he'll likely never trust that you aren't spying on him. Of course, this doesn't negate the fact that it sounds like you really liked each other. Obviously there were feelings there, which is why you continued to get together. So there may be enough of a spark to continue - but you'd have to do your best to forgive each other first. And, you'd have to promise not to breach his trust again. Honestly, I think you may have saved yourself a lot of future pain though. If he was being that dishonest with you right from the beginning (no matter what the reason was), you probably dodged a bullet and saved yourself a lot of heartache down the road. You might want to chalk this one up to experience and realize that (while you shouldn't have snooped), you were the bigger person for being honest about your intentions.
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 1 year ago.
PS - However you decide to move forward, you deserve a man who's going to realize how awesome you are from the moment he first goes out with you!
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience: Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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