How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3134
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

My name is ***** ***** I'm 24 years old. Now when I write

Resolved Question:

Hi, my name is ***** ***** I'm 24 years old. Now when I write this out it will probably sound rather pathetic, but I need to find a way of feeling better, because the breakdown of my relationship is controlling how I feel in every aspect of my life, no matter how hard I try.
2 years ago, a fellow student from my University asked me out and we started dating (this was after we both left Uni), that lasted about 3 months. I live in London and he in Brighton, UK, but we both made time to come and see each other and spend weekends with each other. As time went by we were texting a couple of times a day, spending time with each other every couple of weeks (he's a farmer, so hours and time off was a little difficult). One evening while we were texting he did say that he loved me.
2 days later he had come back from the pub, after being out with some friends at the pub, came home and texted me to say that he had had some bad news so he may seem a little distant. I said 'ok' and gave him space, just texting to say 'hi' each morning, not expecting a response and just showing that I was there if he wanted to talk. A couple of days after this, he called me and broke it off, saying that he couldn't bring himself to do it face-to-face. He said he was sorry for hurting me so far and he still cared but he couldn't deal with what he was going through and be in a relationship. After this our friends stopped talking to me, I asked a close friend of his to keep an eye on him and make sure he was ok for me, that I didn't know the whole reason for our break-up or what he was going through so not to mention it. As far as I know he never told anyone we had broken up directly, and it was only noticed when I stopped attending birthdays etc.
Several months later, a mutual friend of ours invited me to her birthday celebration. She and Charlie are very close friends and share the same birthday. I felt uncomfortable going as I had not spoken or seen him in awhile, he ignored me the whole night and I stupidly let my emotions rule my reaction (getting very drunk and passing out - not my finest hour!).
Since then I have been focusing on work and my friends and family back in London, very rarely going down to Brighton. However, some on my other Uni friends have started to get in contact with me again, and I would like to reconnect with them. But I am still aware that I still have feelings for Charlie and this hope that we could try again. I know this is unrealistic and probably never going to happen, but he was my first boyfriend and love, and I'm not sure how to stop feeling this way or find peace with myself. To be able to move forwards (Charlie being an insomniac, I have developed his sleeping patterns and can't break them. I sleep how we used to lie together. I imagine being in his room before I fall asleep). It's obsessive and I'm concerned!
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 10 months ago.
I am sorry to hear of your pain. I think the reason you are having such difficulty moving forward is because you never got any closure. He told you he had bad news, he then broke it off but with no real reason for the ending so you are left wondering and hoping and that is why you toss and turn and imagine still being with him.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 10 months ago.
But unfortunately this is the way and you must feel what you feel and mourn this loss and lack of closure.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 10 months ago.
First loves are extremely difficult to get over, but in time the pain lessens....if you feel like you need better support during this time then seeing someone face to face for therapy could be helpful. I would stay busy and active and try to live your life and each day will get a bit easier even if it is just for a few moments each day....over time, you will feel things ease.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 10 months ago.
none of what you feel is pathetic....you have love in your heart and that is a beautiful thing.
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3134
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
< Previous | Next >
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I Couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • TherapistMaryAnn

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Previous | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg TherapistMaryAnn's Avatar

    TherapistMaryAnn

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    715
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    270
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    210
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/Dietcokeani/2009-08-16_115515_Annette_face_square.jpg Anna's Avatar

    Anna

    Social Worker

    Satisfied Customers:

    203
    29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/drshs/2011-5-8_214848_CIMG1275.64x64.jpg Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    166
    PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RU/Russ0114/2011-12-25_215431_IMG0623.64x64.JPG MrsRuss0114's Avatar

    MrsRuss0114

    LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    154
    B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions