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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2816
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I have been with my girlfriend 9 years just bought a flat

Customer Question

I have been with my girlfriend 9 years just bought a flat which she couldn't get on the mortgage so had to get it on my own I've had problems with her debts before which for the last year I believed was sorted but today she told me her debts are out of control 26k out of control I'm really hurt that she's lied to me but really love this girl but don't no how I can go forward anymore please help
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

You can't go forward because she kept it from you or because of the financial burden it is placing on you?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Bit of both to be honest it will hold us back for 4 years as she has to pay £500 per month to clear it that's the agreement she has had with her mum who cleared the debt for her but also the fact for a year she has been telling me she is debt free just constantly lying which she done to me a few years ago similar scenario just not as bad and we nearly split up but we sorted it out but I just don't no this time if I should go through it all again or will she just always be like this involved in debt it's just hard when u love someone and planned ur future with them but then my future could be always involved in these situations
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
She is obviously very sorry and keeps saying she just didn't no how to tell me as she was ashamed but I don't no if that's enough to try and rebuild everything because as I said this happened before
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Thanks for telling me more...I think all things are true...she is sorry and full of shame and this could be the way for her and for you if you remain with her. I hear how much you love her and are torn about leaving....I don't think I hear that you are ready to do that. She may need to get some professional help to address these issues of spending and subsequent debt and then lying about it. The pattern for her continues and I think she could be helped if she sought out some support for it.

I hear that you are wiped from it all...would taking a break from the relationship again help you to sort things out to see what you truly feel and want? I know you have done it before and have reconnected but it may be helpful again so you can have some time to access your feelings and be away from it all and see if you feel freer or you feel like no matter what, you still want to be with her. I think paying attention to your needs now is crucial. Nobody can tell you whether to leave or stay...only you know or will know what is right for you.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Can I support you further?

If you are satisfied with the answer I provided please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time. Thanks in advance. I am here again if you need me.

Jen

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