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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3391
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I was dating a man years. He spoilt me and treated make like

Customer Question

Hi. I was dating a man for two years. He spoilt me and treated make like gold. Two months ago he dumped me by text. Told me he didn't love me. So I collected my things and said bye. Latter on that night st 3 am he was at my house. He had sent a text I didn't see nor reply too. It basically D said he was a sex addict and had been with women behind my back. So I obv told him to leave. I read up on the subject and decided I'd support him. So that was fine he then had two sessions of therapy and dumped me after both and came back the next day. We had a holiday booked and we had a great time. When we got home he still wanted me to stand by him. Then I discovered more lies he had told me that embarrassed him. So two weeks ago he dumped me again by text. He has now blocked me on every device email etc. He said he never loved me and was using me got a good time.
My head is totally destroyed how someone can be so cruel. This man is 50. I am 40.
I feel ashamed I got dumped after I said I'd stand by him. It was to me a double rejection. To not even sit face to face and talk about boundary a. Just dumped. Disregarded like a piece of dirt. Please help me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am so sorry to hear of this pain for is excruciating. You are a lovely person and have loved him so much and that is why you supported him...that you can be happy with and proud of yourself. His bad behavior does not change any of that...that is all on him. If he has deep troubles then that is why he behaves in the cruel manner he has....that does not make it any easier for you, but you can rest assured knowing how wonderful your behavior has been. I do hope that now you protect yourself and don't take him back when he reaches out again, because most likely he will.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

The only thing for you to do right now is to mourn this loss, feel what you feel and each day will get a bit easier.In the future when you see these red flags you will be able to spot it sooner and care for yourself more rather than the other person only.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

He has never given much care toward you so breaking up with you over and over again in the way he has, fits with whom he has been. This pain for you will lessen over time...Keep that loving heart of yours but not to the detriment of your self-care.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I did send u a reply. Did u get it? It isn't showing
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Nothing is showing. Can you see it?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No. Basically I just asked. Why do I still love and want him. The things he has done and said are horrific. But I want him. That makes me feel pathetic. Also why me! I was the first woman he dated in 15 years etc.
He said he needs time alone as he is a c**t. He wants to get better etc. Are these more lies? I'm so confused
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

You are not pathetic. You are a caring and loving person. I don't know if these are more lies, but I do think that he needs to heal on his own and you on yours....Don't question whether you are is loving and caring of you, but now it may be time to care for you more.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

If he isn't lying, then you will see that at some point that he has gotten help but for now, he has pushed you away so much that you need to care for you and let him do his work if he decides to do so.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Just don't understand why he is being so cruel. Like totally kicking me when I'm rock bottom. I know I need to help me. But he has been brutal to me
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

If he has deep problems then that is why he may be so cruel. He isn't able to think of you, only himself and that is why it is easy for him to be cruel. Very hard and sad for you, but you can get through this..give yourself time to heal.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok last question. He said to me on Tuesday he would help me and he was there for me cause of the damage he has done. He said he hated himself and he is rock bottom. Then I try to ring him and he has blocked my number. Have u saw this before? What on earth?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I, of course have seen this push, pull behavior and it is very destructive. It keeps you available for HIS needs but has no care and thought for you. When he needs to feel better about himself he reaches out and then poof he is gone. So, time for YOU. I know how much pain you are in and want a better understanding from him, but I don't think he is capable of giving you that level of connection or honesty.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I know you are right. It's soooo painful for me to accept past two years is a farce. I can not even feel the pain of his cheating yet. He told me he admitted it to me as he couldn't bare me feeling unloved. Then next thing he dumps me. So he off loaded his dirty secrets. Told me I wasn't loved after all. Skips off and leaves me destroyed
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

And now you get to take that power back and love yourself and leave him behind. You are only destroyed if you allow that. get strong, get tough and get out there and enjoy life with someone who is capable of giving it back to you. You deserve are kind and loving.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I wish you the best and lots of strength. Please take a moment to click in the rating tab to rate my support. I am always here for you in the future if you need me.

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