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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3382
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Hope you're well. I met my boyfriend online - (both met on

Customer Question

Hi hope you're well. I met my boyfriend online - (both met on view to get married and after 3 months he constantly spoke about marriage as in parent invol) we were friends for 2 months, he was into me from day one but I didn't give him any signs I was interested. We continued to meet once a week and after 2 months we developed this into a relationship which we took very slow. We are both 31 and busy working so we usually meet once a week or maybe every other week due to work and busy family life. Yet we were always texting constant every day and calling every other day. After couple of months he asked if we should have a break and I said I didn't believe in breaks but he randomly asked it wasnt anything serious. Anyway after great 8 months of dating (not had sex) we had a bit of misunderstanding - i told him to call me after he finishes work late evening friday as ill be home from my friends at 9pm to discuss our plans to meet on saturday which he did call but I was at my friends house and didn't hear my phone ring. I called him at 11pm on my way home but he didn't answer. On Saturday morning he messaged where we're u last night and I told him where I was...and I then said I guess we aren't meeting today I'm bit upset about this....he then got back to me with something silly like if you didn't want to meet you should have said rather than messaging me crap.l and gave me the silent treatment for a week! Then after a week he called and said he needs space a few days to think.... its now been a week I've not contacted him but the day he had called to ask for space i sent him an email (no reply) to just clarifying what he said to me on the phone I love u as a girlfriend not sure about wife and I was hurt about it.. now he has a habit of saying silly things in anger.
Shall i take this the relationship is over and he was finding a way out or is he really trying to think.... he was cheated on twice in the past. Usually relationships fade out after 2 months but we had that spark for 8 months,texting,meeting up etc and out of the blue he asks for space.... I don't know if should get in contact to ask casually how's things etc ... or leave until he gets in touch with me.... big question is...is he going to get in touch...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Hi. Thanks for all the info. It sounds like he does really like you and cares deeply but has gotten afraid of his strong feelings and has pulled away...he seems to pull away when he thinks you have. He is scared...he has this history of being cheated on and may worry that if he gets too close he will lose himself again. I would give him the space he has asked for...let him miss you a bit and if you don't hear from him in 4 or 5 days, you can reach out and let him know you hope he is doing well, you are thinking of him and hope he is okay. If he doesn't answer then you need to pull back and let him come to you. It is not clear to me yet whether he is pulling away for good so if you can let it play out over the next week then you will have a better idea and then can decide for yourself if you are ready to give up on it.

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hey jen I messaged him today at 1pm in the afternoon saying thinking of you x hope you're well. He didn't reply therefore about 6pm I decided to call him and he replied saying he's at work and will try to call later, I am fine thanks how are you x and I didn't recieve a call. What do you think the next step is should do, leave it and move on, or maybe give him more space.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I would leave it alone and try to move on....I know how hard it is but at this point, it is the only option. Feel what you feel but let this play out and see if he reaches out.

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