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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3624
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My ex partner moved out 3 months ago we had been together

Resolved Question:

My ex partner moved out 3 months ago we had been together for 8 years in a very happy and loving relationship. But my eldest daughter caused issues as she has a personality disorder and bipolar. When she was in hospital for 7 months my time was spent at work/hospital with little time left for anyone else, although he never suffered in the sex department, I wasn't fulfilling his emotional needs. He went online looking but I don't think he met and one but did chat. I distrusted him and eventually he moved out as I was unbearable to live with; he couldn't go out if the room without an inquest! We are now trying to rebuild something but he still wants space, and I'm finding it hard to accept as I love him and am working on my trust issues. How should I deal with this without being full on or also being too cool?
Elaine
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Thanks for being so open about how things were for you. I think giving him the space and the control to decide the pace of things will be helpful for you to achieve what you want and that is to get back together. If you try and control it too much then it could push him away again. Remind yourself that these are your trust issues and you are bringing them here to the relationship. Its not about being cool or full on and more about letting him guide things a bit.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Clearly you both love each other and are trying to find a way back so let it be free and easy.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I await your thoughts.

Jen

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have been blaming him for the hurt he had brought me from chatting to other women, but being apart has made me realise I was a contributor to the issue although, not directly. I suppose I have also been blaming him for not supporting me with the issues I have had to deal with with my daughter, but then he's not the father and stuck with me throughout until I couldn't see any change in behaviour. I think this is what he's looking for from me now as he doesn't want to get hurt or hurt me. Yes we are very much in love and both know we will never find that perfect match in someone else, it's just hard trying to allow him space to pull him back eventually. Yes you are right, I have to let him drive the process especially as I'm a strong woman. I have to let him be the man and not let my hurt destroy it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

You are quite smart and can see how things played out for both of you in the past and now it is time to start with a clean slate and only look forward and not blame each other for the previous dynamic. You can carve out a new path and guide with love and patience and without blame.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It is hard when you live every day with someone and then they're not there, like the rug had been pulled.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

yes but the good news? It may not be like that forever since you are finding your way back...don't push for too much too soon.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** guidance as my instinct was to jump in and want to see him 24/7 but he doesn't want to, he has amazed me with his emotional skills
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I truly get that desire...keep your eye on the goal...and that wouldn't get you there....patience, love and acceptance and letting him guide. Hard as a strong woman, I know, but pursuit is good.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'm discovering new things everyday.
I will let him guide the relationship until he is comfortable to want me full time again thanks
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

my pleasure. I am here anytime you need. please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support.

Thanks so much,

Jen

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